The Endgame and Mischief

CHAPTER FIVE

Chapter 5
Freedom of truths and broken hearts

That was the last talk I had with that Japanese guy, a week had passed but the only thing we did was to nod as a yes or to shook our head if it's a no, the vibe between us was never been hyped. Kung sakali 'rin na man na may itatanong siya ay sa kaniyang kanan siya babaling—magtatanong sa katabing si Trisha. Though Shabina, et al were close, yet we're still the same. Hindi ko alam kung hindi niya ba ako gustong kausap o ayaw niya lang talaga.

While, Cassius Rebel...he'd texted me, naging 'busy' daw siya sa nagdaang apat na araw, kung kaya't hindi niya ako magawang sunduin o kaya madalaw manlang sa apartment.

I did remain silent, hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko sinasabi sa kaniya maging kina Femella at sa iba—they remained clueless even though there's this time na ramdam ko na gusto nilang magtanong but they didn't invoice their queried.

"Let's stop, Let's break-up." I said while sitting calmly in a stool in my bed side.

On the small window of my room, I saw the slow approach of the dusk. The shades of pink, orange, red like flame, corrupt the gray looming skies, as if cotton candies were displayed just above us.

Inabot ko ang lampara sa aking malapit na gilid—isang kilos upang matanggihan ko ang kaniyang takang pagtitig. Ramdam ko ang pagtigil ng pagpatak ng oras sa pagpakawala ng mabigat na parirala.

Sa gilid ng aking mata, sa kabila ng dilaw na liwanag namataan ko ang pagkunot ng kaniyang noo, ang suot na uniporme ay nagusot ng siya ay umayos ng upo.

He licked his lower lip and surrendered a complicated chuckle.

"Ano 'yun, Marah?"

Palihim kong nahigit ang aking hininga. We are in my apartment today. Umalis si Shabina kaya kami lamang na dalawa. He came back...to me, after a week of absences, as if I was the package he left on the counter and get back after he had groceries.

I've uttered no questions, no doubts—but nothing, because the last thing that was on my list was to chase for something that wasn't for me.

Minsan naiisip ko, I ask for so many things, I think of the world like a whole carousel ride, and as time passed by I did realized that those things weren't meant for me, it was meant for others, na mananatili na lamang silang pangarap dahil hindi ito karapat-dapat para sa akin.

"Let's break up," ulit ko sa mas determinadong tono.

Nanakit ang aking lalamunan, ang dibdib ay nagsimula ng manikip, ang pamumuo ng luha ay hindi mapigilan. Napayuko ako.

I love him, yet he cheated.

I saw it in front of my eyes, nasaksihan ko kung paano niya ako tinalikuran, pero bakit mahal ko pa 'rin? Bakit masakit pa 'din? Bakit hindi natuto? Bakit doon palagi sa masasaktan? Sa masusugatan?

Pinaglaban ko ang aking hintuturo kasabay ng pagtakas ng isang hikbi. Pangalawa. Pangatlo. Pangapat. Hanggang sa manginig ang aking mga labi at hindi alam kung paano susundan ang sasabihin.

"Marah, ayos ka lang ba?" Tanong niya. Bahagya niya akong inabot ngunit agaran lamang akong umiwas. Bumaling sa nagkalat na pages ng ledger sa aking lamesa ay hindi ko tinagpo ang kaniyang mata.

"Dahil ba hindi na tayo nagkikita? Dahil ba nawawalan na ako ng oras sa'yo?" he asked in despair, as if the happenings did tear and wouldn't give him freedom at the end.

Dahil nagloko ka, because you cheated, Cassius Rebel. You cheated

I want to scream firmly those words laced with anger and hatred towards him, yet I can't. There's a lump in my throat contradicting my voice. It pained my chest, as if the tip of dagger were slowly getting through my skin.