The Endgame and Mischief

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Chapter 14
Scent of ignorance

When the plans were being vague, when the things you wanted became blur, that's the moment when everything feels like screwed. The phased when you felt stray and nowhere to go to. They said figure the things you wanted, and for every step you've made, work for it, but what if I don't know what I wanted? What if there's a fog on the things I'll take risk just to have it on my palms? Could it be possible? How could I ask for a Map when I don't know where I'll go? How could I've done something when I don't know what I am doing?

I felt responsible for myself, I felt responsible for the heart break, and I felt responsible for Alexander's feelings, also, to the people who knows, who's watching. I felt responsible for everything. As if I owe them something.

Cassius rebel and I broke up couple of months ago, and being with Alexander...entertaining his feelings, will turn the tables in a very wrong directions. I'm so tired on these dramas. Aside from that, I can't deny that Alexander has a reputation's hard to deny...I am just going to ruin everything, like a poison of stigma that'll slowly crash his name.

Ayokong ng maulit pa ang dati, hindi puwedeng maulit ang nangyari. Cassius Rebel is an enough proof, that I can't properly give love to someone, because in the first place, I don't know how it seems to work.

"You better think of your choices, Marah," si Shabina halos madaling araw na matapos ang acquaintance party.

Hindi makatulog sa aking higaan at patuloy na dinadalaw ng nangyari ay kinatok ko si Shabina at doon napagdesisyunan na matulog sa kaniyang kwarto.

Yakap-yakap ang kaniyang unicorn na unan ay nanatili akong nakatitig sa kisame na punong-puno ngayon ng mga bituin dahil sa kaniyang ilaw.

"Baka kasi ikaw mismo ang nagpaparusa sa sarili mo, baka ikaw nalang ang hindi nagpapalaya," aniya bago idantay sa aking tiyan ang kaniyang hita.

Huminga ng malalim ay nakinig ako ng mabuti, tila ba parang batang sabik sa kuwento ng kaniyang ina bago matulog.

"You think everything you did isn't enough for him to find someone better than you, which is a no, no,"

"Hindi naman sa 'ganon," agad kong bawi sa kaniyang sinabi. "Sa tingin ko kasi hindi ko naipakita ng tama kay Cassius Rebel 'yung tamang pagmamahal," pahina ng pahina ang boses kong saad.

She clicks her tongue and I felt her shook her head.

"Sa tingin mo iyan ang rason kung bakit ka niya pinagpalit?"

Hindi ako nakasagot sa kaniyang tanong ngunit sa kaibuturan ng aking dibdib ay may boses na sumasang-ayon ngunit ang aking utak ay tumututol

"Ay boba,"

Agad akong napalingon sa kaniya ngunit nanatili siyang nakapikit, habang may facial mask ay prente niyang iniikot-ikot ang face roller sa pisngi.

"Kawawa ka naman," untag niya. "Nakulangan kita sa abiso, palpak tuloy ang lovelife mo,"

"Shabina," saway ko nang mahimigan ang biro sa kaniya.

Huminga ng malalim ay humalakhak siya.

"Marah, ang akin lang," aniya sa mas seryoso ng tono. "Kahit umiyak ka ng dugo at lumuhod sa harap ng taong magloloko gagawa at gagawa pa 'rin iyan ng paraan para maghanap ng iba. Most especially, if they did, you don't torture yourself, kasi hindi mo iyon naging desisyon."

"Paano kung ako 'yung dahilan? Paano kung nagkulang ako?" agad kong tanong at ang dibdib ay nagsimulang sumikip.

Nanatiling nakatingin sa kaniya ay ibinaba niya ang face roller bago humarap sa akin. Dumilat ay itinagilid niya ang katawan at hinarap ako. Ang kaniyang braso ay agarang yumakap sa akin.