Empress

Kai POV (Question)

"And here is the room you will be sleeping in." Cinder says showing Liam into his room with a grand gesture. She has been ushering us around the palace for a good five minutes. Smiling the whole time, shoving the entire palace down Thorne's throat. It's good to see Cinder happy about living in the palace for once. Even if it's not for the right reasons. I guess it is just good to see Cinder happy in general. After everything that has happened in the last, what? Week. I don't even know anymore. Cinder lost the baby, Torin got mad. Cinder was on her period, which for me was like the true end like the baby is really gone. It's sad. I know neither me nor Cinder will ever be the same. There will always be a little doubt in the back of our minds when we decide to start trying for another baby.  But I guess that will be a discussion we will have to have. I sigh.

"Okay, I think that's enough Cinder." Thorne says glaring at her.

Cress smiles pleasantly oblivious to all the tension, or maybe she is just choosing to ignore it. "I think Liam needs to take a nap." 

I look down at the kid, he is cute. I have to give it to him. And Cress, sure it sees she had aged just a bit but she looks so happy, she feels happy. Thorne too. Just their energy, now I see why anyone would want to be a parent, not just to boss someone smaller around. But for the love. The love of shared love of a singular, growing human being. Or lunar I guess.

Cinder nods looking down at Liam and then back up Cress, "Okay, I'll be fixing the ship so that we can leave early in the morning."

Cress nods taking Liam's had and leading him into the room shutting the door.

Cinder's posture deflates just a little bit. Maybe it's because she will now have to work with Thorne, or maybe and I suspect this is the real reason. She likes children, more specifically caring for children more then she would care to admit. Believable. Contrary to Cinder's tough exterior she is a very soft, caring understanding person on the inside. So on less she hates you with passion there is nothing to worry about around Cinder.

"So, what's wrong with the ship." Cinder says crossing her arms over her chest raising an eyebrow to Thorne.

"Nothing is wrong with the ship." Thorne let's out an exasperated sigh, "I just need you to check it."

Cinder stares at him and then looks down shaking her head, "Okay fine, where's the ship?"

Thorne smirks, "It would be my honor."

I grab Cinder's hand before she walks off, "Can I come too?"

I don't know why I feel like I have to ask. I guess I just feel like I am the one who doesn't belong. But now or never to ask Cinder this question. 

She squint at me, "Sure?"

Thorne glances awkwardly at me and then pushes himself off the wall leading Cinder and her plus one, me, down the hall. We retrace our steps through the palace though there is an easier way to the Rampion, this is the only way Thorne knows and Thorne is Captain so.

We pour out onto the launch pad, where Rampion will stay since it won't be here for that long anyway. The ramp descends and we continue our silent prelude.

And then it's cold, freezing. Coldest weather I have experienced in my life, but I'm not sure if it is weather if it is a man made problem, or, in this case a Thorne made problem.

Cinder's only reaction to the cold is passing an even colder glare to Thorne, "So this is what's wrong with the ship?"

Thorne scratches the back of his neck, "I guess if that's how you want to look at it."

"Yes, that is how I want to look at it."

"Well here is the Engine Room Your Frostiness."

This time I glare at Thorne as I pass by him following Cinder. She is walking like purpose, straight to the left side of the room, I follow her because while she has a clue I don't.

"Okay, I'll come check on you guys in an hour. I'll be near my port if you need anything." 

I wave to Thorne and he waves back with the slightest smirk and then we are alone in the warm dim engine room. Cinder turns on her finger flashlight and inspects the metal giant in front of her. She takes out her wrench, the simplest of tools. But I doubt I could use it if I wanted to. She knocks the surface and there is a low humming vibration, Cinder grins and mutters under her breath, "Thorne you really are a moron."

I take this opportunity to remind her that I am here, "I wouldn't have been able to identify it if I was him." I take a step closer to her.

She looks up at me, "Yeah but you don't live on the ship, and you don't continually brag about how your are the best."

I role my eyes and then focus on what Cinder is doing, "So what is wrong, why is it so warm in here and cold every where else?"

"Oh because the actual heater got disconnected from the circulatory warmer. So it just warmed the room like a window heater but didn't leave the room because..."She points at the big fan.

I nod staring at her, I tap the floor with my foot and she turns around putting a hand on her hip looking at my foot, "You can tell me what's wrong or you can stop making that racket with your feet."

I need to ease her into this, "So Liam, what do you think of him?"

She smiles, "That kid is just what Thorne needs."

I take a breath, nodding "And Cress is pregnant."

She nods, a twinge of sadness sweeping across her face before it was gone. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Um...I was just asking how do you feel about that?" 

Cinder taps her wrench against her thigh idly, "I don't know, I am happy for her." Her cheek twitches.

"You want to elaborate."

She swallows turning around back to the vent, investigating. And for a second I think that is going to be the extent of our conversation until Cinder whispers, "To be honest it's kind of hard to be happy about Cress, when I haven't even worked through my own feelings yet." She pauses, taking another deep shuttering breath. "I try but, sometimes.....I just want to lie under the sheets and be alone for a whole day." She takes a breath before turning quickly back to me.

So, she's not ready. I guess I'm not ready to try again but I am tired of working through feelings. I just want this despair to be covered by hope again. But Cinder wants to work through her feelings might is well do it with her. 

I meet her gaze, before she turns to her left and ducks back into the metal igloo.

Well now I am torn, do I go after her? When she just said she wants to be alone, or do I stay outside and do what exactly? I walk slowly over to the igloo.

"Can I come in?" I ask softly.

"Sure." I hear a muffled answer from the inside. I crawl through the entrance to see Cinder in the same fettle position she always seems to be in these days.

I sit down next to her pulling her into me.

The more I think about my question the stupider it sounds, ask Cinder if she wants to try for another baby when she isn't over the first. When I'm not over the first one. 

We sink into each other forgetting the cursed question ever existed in the first place.

That did not go where I thought it was going but then again when does it ever.....oh the wonders of being a writer

I promised a happily ever after so, just hold that in your heart in these hard times.

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