Azlan's Heart

SIMULA

I'm not planning to update this sana pero sobrang rupok ko mga bhe hihi.

Warning: If you love perfection then f*ck off:)

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Cardiac Arrest

My mother said that when she first heard me cry was the best thing that happened in her life. That when she carried me in her arms, she promised to give me everything I want. And she did. I live my life in a princess-like-way because she had given me everything.

But that didn’t save me.

I was born with congenital heart disease. Nang maipanganak ako ni Mommy, hindi raw ako umiyak dahil walang tibok ang puso ko. She cried and prayed, hoping for a miracle. Then minutes had passed, a miracle happened. They finally heard me cry after the doctor tried to slap me hard. My mother was very happy.

And, here I am now, looking at my happy parents dancing in the middle of our relative’s garden.

Ang saya nilang tignan. I wished to have a love like that. Iyong hindi sumusuko, iyong ipaglalaban ka talaga, at hindi ka iiwan kahit ano mang mangyari. Iyong taong iintindihin ka sa kabila ng kung sino ka.

Simula pagkabata ay napapalibutan na ako ng mga masasayang magkapares. All my relatives especially my parents had their happily ever after and I believe that despite my condition, I will also have that. I will have my own happy ending soon.

Nakangiti kong inilibot ang paningin sa buong paligid. Nasa tabi ko ang private nurse at yaya ko na binabantayan ako. I hated having them by my side but it’s alright now, I really wouldn’t want my parents to worry about me especially my mother. Making my Mom cry is the last thing that I want to do.

“Yaya, they looked cute, ano?” I giggled and glanced at my Yaya Milan. Ngumiti naman siya sa akin at tumango. She gently brushed my hair and I just smiled before looking away. Yaya Milan had been with me when I was ten years old. Pasaway kasi ako noong bata ako. I hate my past yaya’s so much. Lahat sila ay pinahirapan ko hanggang sa dumating si Yaya Milan. At first, I made her suffer like what I did to my past yaya’s but it didn’t work. Ngingiti lang ito sa akin at balik na naman sa pagtitiis sa ugali ko hanggang sa nasanay na ako sa kaniya at ngayon ay labing-apat na taong gulang na ako.

Bumait naman na ako ng konti ngayon pero hindi ako palangiti at madaldal sa ibang tao. Tanging sina Yaya Milan at Ate Yna ang gusto kong kasama at ang pamilya ko. Kahit sa iba kong kamag-anak ay ilag ako ng sobra, pero hindi ibig-sabihin niyon na hindi ko sila mahal. I love them. Talagang iniiwasan ko lang na sumaya nang sobra dahil alam kong sobrang pagkalungkot din ang kapalit nito. And that means danger.

Hindi ako puwedeng sumaya nang sobra, hindi ako puwedeng magalit, at mas lalong hindi ako puwedeng masaktan. Kailangang sakto lang lahat ng emosyon ko dahil sa oras na lumagpas ito ay buhay ko na ang nakataya sa linya. My doctor said that I need a surgery but it wasn’t really that easy because we can’t find a perfect donor for me no matter what we do, and I’m fine with that. I have to.

Hindi ako puwedeng humiling nang sobra dahil ang ibinigay ng Panginoon na buhay sa akin ngayon ay sobrang-sobra na. And I’m so thankful because He let me live. I’m thankful that He heard my mother’s prayer.

I don’t have any friends when I was young and I’m also fine with that. Wala namang kaso kung wala akong kaibigan dahil sapat na rin naman sa akin ang yaya at nurse ko lalo na ang pamilya ko. Sapat na ang ibinigay nila at masayang-masaya na ako roon.

“Nilalamig ka ba, Ayshia?”

Napanguso ako sa tanong ni Yaya Milan. Napansin siguro nito ang paghaplos ko sa sariling braso at dahil nilalamig na rin naman talaga ako ay tumango ako sa mga ito.