𝑭𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝑭𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒅𝒔 - 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓾𝓷𝓰

𝓒𝓱; 18 𝓑𝓻𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓷 𝓹𝓲𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽

Jisung engulfed himself in Minho's embrace, his face completely nuzzled into the other's chest. It felt warm, comforting. But that moment of drifting away in his thoughts soon got interrupted. One sentence rang through his head. He was such a coward. He was out giving the other hope when Jisung himself couldn't even open up to him. Minho was the one person who actually cared for him. Yet he was here, still hiding like a coward. Minho's hand caressed over the other's head ever so slightly. "Don't think too much," he leaned in and whispered into his ear. If only that were as easy as it sounded. 

It stayed quiet. The only thing you could hear was the ticking of the clock in the hallway. The moon shone through the window, giving off its light, the time already past midnight. Jisung shifted, sitting upright as he prepared the words stuck somewhere in his throat. His muscles clenched, hand curling into a fist, and nails digging into his skin. "I am sorry," he barely got out. It felt as if his airway got pressed shut. It was difficult to even breathe. He felt guilty and no matter how much he wanted to get rid of that feeling, it wouldn't go away. "I can wait for you, Jisung. And I will. I promise you." No matter how sweet his words sounded, they just didn't fit right with Jisung.

"Stay tonight, please," Jisung begged him as he hid further in the other's hold. A slight smile made his way to Minho's face, a light chuckle eliciting from his mouth. "Of course, Love." Jisung flinched. He still hadn't gotten used to Minho calling him that name. But he didn't mind. It made him feel special. Meanwhile, the only thing Minho could focus on was Jisung. He tilted his head to look at the other's face. "Jisung, what's wrong?" It was that question he wished he could ask and receive a real answer. Though he knew he would never receive an honest answer. Minho was worried. Up until now, the times they did meet he found Jisung injured most of the time. He knew something was not right the moment he saw Jisung cough up blood back at the camp. Minho had also noticed the scars tainted over the male's arms and wrists. "What the hell is happening to you, Jisung?" he muttered to himself. The frown stayed on his face until the snores of the other male softly sounded through the room. Minho's features relaxed, cooing at the cute sight, and carefully pulled Jisung closer, trying to not wake him up. Minho didn't last long in staying awake himself either and shortly after he drifted into a deep sleep as well. 

It doesn't matter how many shots Chan would take. No type of alcohol or ecstasy could drown out this horrible feeling. His heart got ripped out and the black void slowly spread across his entire body. His mind was fucked up and it was just because of one particular person. 

"Lee Minho, I fucking hate you." His words were slurred, but enough to express just what he was thinking. "Look what you did to me." It was all the other's fault that he was a fucking emotional mess. Chan sucked up the nerve of throwing up. The liquor burned down his throat but it wasn't even close to the pain he was feeling right now. This went beyond physical pain. 

The glass shattered into pieces as it hit a wall. Chan looked up to meet the bloodshot eyes of  Hyunjin. "What the hell are you doing?!" Hyunjin raised his voice but Chan didn't flinch. "I am drinking that's what!" he yelled back, stretching his hand out for his glass, the liquid pooling down at the bottom of it, but Hyunjin snatched it away again. "Look at yourself! Are you planning on dying from alcohol poisoning?!" Even though Hyunjin may have seemed mad he was actually worried. He can't let his best friend ruin himself like this. 

"Let's go home." Hyunjin deadpanned. "I'm not going." Chan responded, ignoring his existence. "That was not an option. I said we are going." The man gripped Chan's wrist as he dragged him out of the club, earning a lot of protest from Chan himself. "What are you doing, let me go!" Chan hurled, curling his hand around that of the other, nails almost digging in his skin, Chan's own skin turning even paler while trying to get out of his iron grip. 

The door shot close with a violent bang as Hyunjin swatted Chan away. The male stumbled backward, landing right in front of the bed. "What has gotten into you?!" Hyunjin yelled at him. Chan huffed and looked away from the other. 

"So you're not answering me?" the taller deadpanned. The silence between them turned the distance between them into a cage of emotions pressing down on them, trapping them, rage, worry, and confusion mixing with a broken heart. Chan's lips started to quiver as the first tears rolled down and he pressed a hand against his face, hiding them as if that would stop them from running. Hyunjin rested his arms back at his side, eyes voiding of his rage as he let out a defeated sigh. His tone lowered. "Please talk to me." 

No matter how hard Chan forced to hide his tears they still seemed to escape. Hyunjin sat down next to him on the floor. "I don't want to be like this, Hyunjin.." he whispered as the tears proceeded to glide down his face. Hyunjin tilted his head while frowning though he didn't say anything so the other could continue. "I try to disappear," he began. "I try so damn hard to provide him the happiness he wants and deserves," Chan choked out the words, trying to catch his breath in between. He punched his fist to the side of his bed. "But does that hide the fact that I love my best friend?!" he yelled out into the silence. 

He felt mad. He felt mad at the world, at himself. But most importantly, at the fact that he let himself fall in love with the person he knew was not meant to be. That person also happened to be his best friend.

"He loves another man, Hyunjin," he cried out. Hyunjin grasped his arm, pulling him into his embrace, and held him like that. "I love Minho!" 

Hyunjin's eyes widened. That feeling. The feeling of your heart breaking into millions of pieces. Hyunjin felt like choking. It was as if someone kept on trying to suffocate him. He felt the corners of his mouth turn upward, forcing a smile onto his face even though he felt like crying as well. That light, that tiny bit of hope was gone. It had completely melted away. 

"Let it all out," he simply said as he softly caressed the older's back. Hyunjin felt Chan shake in his embrace as he continued to pat him. After a while, Chan's body relaxed in his arms. Hyunjin watched how the other's chest slowly moved up and down. "He's sleeping," Hyunjin thought to himself. He sighed and looked up, facial muscles hurting from upholding his fake act. One singular tear slid down. The corners of his mouth turned into a smile again. Make this pain stop. "I love you, Chan. I hate seeing you broken like this. I hate seeing you cry. But most importantly," 

"I hate I can't be the person who can protect you."

"I hate how I can't be the person you love."