Hearing my words

Chapter 30

Can's POV

We are walking toward the coast and I am not sure what to do with my hands, I have held them behind my back and now they are in my pockets. I want to touch Sanem, hold her so badly that it is taking everything I have not to.

I glance over at her and she seems to be deep in thought.

"well, I think that went pretty well with your parents. Though I thought your baba was going to explode at one time." I say

She only nods her head, as if she knows I said something but she isn't really paying attention. I go back to just walking beside her without saying a word. The closer we get to the coast and our rocks the more nervous I become. Many things have happened on those rocks, we have kissed, argued, even broken up on those rocks.

I can see out of the corner of my eye that Sanem is now watching me. I look toward her.

"I'm sorry I have been so quiet, I just wanted to make sure I had all my thoughts together before I spoke." she says.

"I understand." I tell her. 

We finally get to the coast and sit down, both of us watching the passing ships. I am about to go crazy.

Sanem's POV

Can has been been waiting for me to say something and I must say he has held it together quite well. I know he is nervous because he hasn't know what to do with his hands. I am watching the ships go back and I think I finally have myself together enough to start talking to him.

"Can, I hope you understand why I don't want anyone to know where I live. I mean, first of all, I would like to keep it quiet that I am even back in Istanbul as long as possible. Second, I still need to know that I have the safety of my home and no one knowing where it is, if I need to escape."

"I do understand, I mean I had the mountain hut for a long time. I know that Polen knows where it is but I truly don't see her coming back there again. I think she understands that I never loved her the way I love you, well, I actually never loved her in a romantic way but she was a friend that I could confide in, at least in the beginning."

"I hope you are right but Huma has a way of influencing people to do what she wants." 

"Evet" Can answers "Sanem, what about us? I know you told your parents we were taking it slow and were trying to get to know each other as friends but I love you. I need to know you will someday be part of my life again."

"Ah, Can!  I love you also but like I told them, we both need to be able to trust each other, if we can't trust each other how will we ever keep others from destroying our love. We have to be able to depend on each other to make sure no one uses or comes between us again."

"I know, babek." he answered.  We are both silent again and then Can holds out his hand to me and I place mine in his. "I need to say something to you, something that I should have done along time ago." He stops and takes a deep breath "I am so sorry that I allowed my mistrust of others to cloud my thinking and feelings about you. When I read your book, I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe what all you went through because you loved me."

"I would go through it again if I had to"

"I have never had anyone love me the way you did. No one has ever placed me before themselves, not even my baba, who I know loves me. You did everything for me and I, I don't know what to say about how I reacted." He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "I know it hard for someone who grew up with loving parents to understand the need to protect your heart. I have had walls up for so long  and made demands on my friends that no one who didn't truly care for me would put up with."

"Can, yes, it is hard to understand, I had two loving parents, parents who sometimes upset me because they had to know where I was, who I was with, had rules on how I was to behave but I would never change that to have lived the way you did." 

We were silent for a few minutes.

"I called Metin after you left." 

"I am so glad. How did it go?"

"We met for lunch, he, Afif and I. He forgave me instantly, just the way you do. I didn't realize how much I missed him. He and Afif were better brothers to me than Emre ever was."

"How is that going?  Have you and Emre talked?"

"Evet, he even warned me when he seen me reading your book, that I was going to come to a part and I would hate him."

"And how did you feel?"

"I hated what he did to you but I think I understand his jealously, I always had baba and he was jealous of our relationship. My baba, never treated him any differently than he did me but  we had a connection that he and Emre didn't have. I actually have always felt sorry that he had to grow up with Huma."

"I guess I can see that. I am sorry that you both had to go through that."

Again we became silent.

"I really need to go before it is to dark, I want to check into my room. Do you mind if we have lunch tomorrow? I am going to stay in Istanbul a couple of days before I go to the house, I need to get a few things and want to visit with my parents."

"I would love to have lunch with you."

"Good I will text you in the morning when I have finished my errands."

"Let me drive you to your hotel, ok?"

"I would like that." We held hand all the way to his truck. When he asked me where I was staying and I told him, I noticed that he had a strange look on his face.

"Can, what's wrong?"

"You know I told you that both Emre and I asked Huma to leave. I actually kicked her out of  Baba's house and Emre told her it was time for her to leave Istanbul. Neither one of us has heard from her since that night but we also don't know if she has left."

"Ok, so what is bothering you?"

"This is the hotel that Huma stays in when she is in town."

I turn and look at him shocked.