Hearing my words

Chapter 69

Sanem had been a nervous wreck since had awoken this morning, she had attempted to keep herself busy and not worry about what was happening in court. She had cleaned her house then worked in the garden, had showered and worked on her creams. Finally, she grabbed a new journal and walked down to the coast and sat on the pier.

Mirhiban had went into Istanbul and was waiting for Aziz at the agency, she didn't want to be in court but wanted to be close to Aziz. They had not spent a minute apart since the night they had walked into the restaurant. Sanem was happy for her friend.

She tried writing in the journal, she had brought but her mind kept wondering to Can and his family. Huma had caused so much heartache and for what her pride, money, her status in a town that had a million people. 

It had been over an hour since she came to the coast and her phone pinged.

"Where are you?" Can text.

"At the coast, is it over?"

"Evet." she waited then another text came through "Turn around."

She did to see Can standing at the end of the pier, her heart leapt with happiness. She loved him so much, the relief on his face was evident. He walked to her and sat down, he took her hand in his and kissed it. She smiled up at him, love shining in her eyes.

"You are safe Sanem. We can now be together." He went on to explain what happened in court and the sentences the judge had handed down. "They will be out of our lives forever, even Huma will have to leave Istanbul when she is released."

Can stopped and looked out at the sea "What is it, Can?" 

He held up an envelop, "Huma gave this to Metin and asked him to give it to me."

"What did it say?"

"I haven't read it. Not sure I want to hear another word or lie she has to say."

She was quiet for a while, Can still holding the letter in his hands. "What if she says something you need to hear?"

"What could she possibly say?"

"I don't know but if you don't read it will you always wonder what it said? I know I would, even if she says the same things she has said before at least you know. You will understand that she won't change, that everything she did, she did for herself and no one else. Or she might actually be truthful and explain what and why she did what she did."

He turned the letter over in his hands several times. Then he ripped it open, Sanem wasn't sure he wouldn't rip it in half but she was proud of him for facing his ghosts. He handed it to her "Will you read it to me, to us, please."

She took the letter and a deep breath. Her hands were shaking as she opened the pages to start reading.

"Dear Can,

I don't know if you will read this but I hope you do. Not for me but for you. I know I have done some terribly horrible things. Things I can't change or take back. I hurt you more than I care to know. I know that sorry is not enough to say but maybe I can explain some things. It won't change anything, it won't excuse me for what I did, but at least it may give you some peace of mind.

You probably know by now that your father married me because I told him I was pregnant which was a lie. I didn't love him and he didn't love me, but he is a very proud man and he would never let his son be born without being a part of his life. So, he did the right thing, he married me.  Allah, how naive you father can be. I told him I wasn't pregnant after we were married, he was ready to leave me, have the marriage annulled.  

He loved Mirhiban and he would have found her, she would have made him happy, she was his only true love but I did what I had to do to gain status and wealth. After a month, I told your father I was pregnant. This time, for real, so he gave up his search for her and stayed married to me. I played my part so well, you see, I wasn't pregnant but Mirhiban was. (Sanem stopped reading, Oh, Allah, she thought, Can's anne is Mirhiban. She looked over at Can but she wasn't sure he was understanding what Huma was telling him." I knew the day at the agency when I walked in and told your father I was pregnant. I didn't give him a chance to pick between the two of us, he would have chose her and taken care of my child. 

Anyway, I brided the midwife, to tell me when Mirhiban was ready to give birth. You see, a lot of people will do what is necessary to take care of their families, she needed the money badly, her husband was ill and couldn't work, she had three children of her own. The day of the birth, she called me, wrote up the birth certificate placing my name as your anne and Aziz as your baba. I paid her enough money, I knew she wouldn't say anything. She told Mirhiban the baby was stillborn.

I guess you are wondering how I hid that from your father? He was out of the country on business and wasn't home until two days later. I called and let him know I had given birth but was doing well to finish his business. He never questioned, the date of your birth, you see he was just living, not being alive. Well, that is not until he saw you. He fell head of heels for you, you became his life.

I couldn't love you as my child, you were her child. Your mother was  beneath my status but I would do what I had to. I fell in love when you were a little over a year old, had an affair with the man who I thought loved me as much as I loved him. Ironic, isn't it? He loved his money more than he loved me. You know Aziz divorced me after finding out about the affair. But, I thought Emre's father loved me and would leave his wife. So, I took Emre and left. He paid me a nice sum every month but never left his wife. 

 If Aziz had found Mirhiban after I left I would have told him the truth, but he was so busy taking care of you and the agency he didn't have time.

Your, Sanem, is really a lovely girl, a mahalla girl, she is beautiful, brave, and compassionate. She reminded me so much of Mirhiban that I couldn't stand you being with her. I attempted to do everything I could to keep you apart just as I did your anne and baba.

I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me but I will understand that you won't. At least, now you know the truth and after I leave Istanbul, you will never have to see me again.

Huma

Sanem stopped reading, she was crying so hard that if there had been any more words she wasn't sure she would be able to say them. Can was silent, sitting perfectly still, she wasn't sure he was even breathing. She didn't know what to do or say so she just sat quietly holding his hand.