UPSTEAD ONE SHOT(S)

Screwed Up

Gist: we never got to see Hailey tell Jay about her going to New York, or Jay's reaction either. So, here it is

General POV

Hailey ran to her car in tears. She'd never been so embarrassed or ashamed in her life; nor had she been yelled at like Voight just yelled at her, since her father last done it to her when she was a child.
All she could see was her father's face on Voight's body, as the situation replayed in her mind. She screwed up, she knew that, but she wasn't expecting to be yelled at like that- or for Voight to send desk objects flying everywhere.
Her hands shook, as she tried to hold the steering wheel to steady them, but it wasn't working. Her adrenaline was sky high and terrifying images of her past swirled through her mind in little snap-shots.
Ofcourse she was upset about being shoved off to New York for a few weeks, she didn't want to go to New York; but that wasn't the reason for the tears. Part of it was, but the most part was because Voight triggered her past. "Oh God, Hailey, get a grip" She scolded, taking deep breaths and gripping onto the steering wheel so tight, that her knuckles were white.

Once calmed down so she could see safely, she began to drive through the usually quite streets of the city. She just drove, exepting to automatically take herself home, but, instead, she found herself parked outside Jay's apartment block.

Why was she at Jay's? What was he supposed to do? Was she expecting him to yell at her, too? She didn't know why, but all she knew is that she didn't want to be alone.

****

She got outside her partner's apartment, gripping her flight ticket in her unsteady hands. She raised a hand and knocked on the door. No response came after a millisecond of waiting, so she inpatientally decided to begin walking back to her car. "Hailey?" Jay called in a questioning voice, opening the door just in time to see the back of her hair turning the corner. Taking a deep breath, she turned around to face Jay; her eyes red and cheeks blotchy. The sight broke Jay's heart, he'd never seen Hailey shed a single tear, never mind full-blown tears. "What's wrong?" He asked, his voice full of concern. "I doesn't matter, go back inside" Hailey replied, her voice barely audible. "Only if you come in, too. No way am I letting you be alone in this state" Jay ordered, opening up the door again and gesturing for Hailey to enter. "Come on, my arms getting sore" Jay joked, earning a small, amused smile off Hailey. It was a gift he had.

Inside, Jay guided Hailey to the sofa and sat next to her. Waiting for an explanation to why she was so upset. Hailey didn't say anything, just sat in silence and fiddled with the ticket. "What's that?" Jay questioned, realising what Hailey was holding onto. "I screwed up, Jay" Hailey sniffled, passing Jay the ticket so he could see for himself what it was. "New York? Tomorrow?" Confusement and worry painted his face, the ticket only opened up more questions for him. "Yeh. Voight's loaning me out to the FBI, they're a man down" Hailey said, wiping her tears with her sleeve. "Because you screwed up?" Jay checked to make sure he was following correctly. "Yeh" Hailey confirmed. "What did you even screw up on?" Jay asked, not understanding what she done so badly to deserve being shipped off. "I done some questionable things to protect Vanessa, and something else before hand. This is my punishment" Hailey said, leaving out the details of what she actually done. The last thing she wanted was for Jay to lose trust in her, or hate her. "Doesn't Voight get why you did whatever you did?" Jay dug deeper, unable to believe that Hailey was actually leaving.

"I crossed lines, Jay. Too many and too far. He gets it, but he doesn't want me to stop seeing where the line is" Hailey replied, looking to Jay in defeat. "It'll be alright, you'll soon find yourself again. Maybe Voight knows this is what you need, even though it'll suck you being away" Jay assured Hailey, trying to sound confident. He didn't want Hailey to leave, he needed...wanted...her by his side. Wether it be on the field, or next to him at the bar- he wanted her there. On the other hand, he knew Hailey was falling into a deep pit. Her behavior over the last months had worried him greatly, the look in her eyes had changed- they looked dead and cold- so he knew Hailey needed something to get her back on the straight and narrow. "Yeh, maybe. I didn't even see myself falling" Hailey muttered, fiddling with her fingers nervously. "We never do, don't be hard on yourself" Jay placed his hand on his partner's thigh, squeezing it tightly for extra emphasis that everything would be okay.

"I gotta ask though, what's really bothering you? You don't cry like this after being put in your place, it's not you" Jay said, knowing there was way more to the story than Hailey was letting on. He knew his partner like the back of his hand, and crying over being put in her place was way out of character. "Voight yelled at me, in my face. He threw everything off his desk, too. It...it" Hailey didn't need to finish her sentence, Jay knew exactly what was going on in his partner's mind. "Come here" Jay whispered, pulling Hailey into a hug and holding her for everything he had. "You're not there anymore, Voight wouldn't ever hurt you. That I know for sure" Jay said, rubbing his arm up and down Hailey's back. "I know" Hailey cried, mentally kicking herself for being so ridiculous. "Hey, look at me" Jay ordered softly, lifting Hailey's head from the chin with his fingers. "Yeh?" She said, her eyes so vulnerable. "You'll be just fine. In New York and here in Chicago. You're Hailey Upton, remember" Jay smiled, wiping her tears with his thumb so delicately. "But you won't be there to keep me on the right track, to assure me that I'm making the right descion" Hailey sniffed, opening up to Jay about how she saw him more than she ever had. It wasn't her true feelings, but it was damn close to being. "And vice versa, but we'll both be okay. You're coming back, it's not forever" Jay said, wondering how he'll get through the next few weeks without his map. "Yeh, ofcourse I'm coming back" Hailey nodded, not having any intentions of leaving Chicago forever. "Thankyou for letting me know, and not just vanishing without any warning" Jay was so grateful for Hailey telling him, he couldn't handle another Erin Lindsay situation- especially it being Hailey the one to do it to him. "Oh no, I didn't think. Jay, I'm sorry. I didn't even cross my mind, I was so wrapped up in my selfish bubble" Hailey ranted, remembering how it ended between Jay and Erin. "Don't worry about it, you hadn't any reason for it to cross your mind. And, anyway, you're not her. I know you wouldn't ever vanish without warning, because you're not certainly not wrapped up in your own selfish bubble" Jay replied, making it very clear to Hailey that nothing about her was selfish. "I'm gonna miss you, though, that's for sure" Jay added, already counting down the days until she returned. "Right back at you, partner" Hailey agreed, looking into Jay's eyes with a feeling she never felt before.