I don't understand myself. I don't get why I do things or why I don't. I was completely and utterly confusing, even for myself.
I especially don't understand why I kissed him on the cheek or why I now call him Ash or why he's knocking on my door right now.
I walk to the door, opening it with confusion. Ashton stands in front of me, breathing fast and flustered.
"Ashton, what are-"
I'm quickly cut off by Ashton's lips attaching to mine, his hands on my face. We stumble back alittle, but Ashton keeps us balanced, me balanced.
Ashton's lips latch onto my neck, leaving hit kisses and I'm confused as to what the fuck is happening but amazed at the fact that it's actually happening, whatever it is.
"W-what are you doing?" I say as Ashton attaches his lips to mine again, turning us around so my back closes the front door, his hand gripping my hips, my hands pulling on the small hairs at the back of his neck.
Ashton is the first to pull away, leaning his forehead against mine. Our breaths are both unsteady and completely erotic.
"What was that?" I ask, my breath thin and light. Ashton bites his lip, scanning his eyes over my face.
"I couldn't take it anymore.." He says, his thumb rubbing small circles on my exposed hip.
"Oh." I reply lamely. What was I suppose to say when I didn't know what to think, or what to feel?
"If we wait our whole lives for the perfect moment, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives." He says grabbing my hands from his neck and pulling them down so they intertwine together. Flames instantly felt at the touch of his.
"What are you saying?" I say quietly, I didn't quiet understand him. What did he want from me? What did I want from him? What the hell was going on?
"I don't know exactly, but you... You have these effects on me t-that control my whole being and I don't know but I'm okay with that because it's you and I like me when I'm with you and I like who you are when your with me... I just, I like kissing you." He finishes and yeah he built my self esteem and confidence up when he said he liked who he was with me but he finished it off with 'I like kissing you', was I just some 'good time' to him? Was this his plan? That's why he was so consistent.
"Kat?" Ashton asks putting a finger under my chin, I instantly turn away.
"You should go." I mutter, stepping out of his grasp and opening the door.
"W-what? After what I just told you? After that... Kiss?" He asks, his face filled with hurt.
"I'm not your friend with benefits." I say, holding in the tears I was definitely going to fall asleep to tonight.
"Friends with benefits? N-no I don't want you as a fuck buddy." He says shaking his hand and I'm even more hurt. Was I really not that good enough?
"Leave." I croak, ready to push him out the door. "Kat, listen to me."
"No, you listen to me." I say pointing a finger at him. I didn't have anything to say to him, considering I just wanted to be left alone to cry.
"Leave." I repeat once again and Ashton takes a step towards me. "No, I always leave and you disappear for a week. We are going to talk, now."
He says slamming the door shut making me wince. "This is my house, leave." I say, tears ready to fall. I just wanted to be alone.
"Just listen to me, goddamit. Kat, your fucking amazing. I like being around you and seeing you smile and you don't wear those sunglasses anymore and even though I can't read your emotions and I know you and you know me and I don't want you as a fuck buddy, I want you as...." He stops, rubbing his hands through his curly hair.
"Nevermind." He mutters opening the door and walking out. I stood confused in my doorframe, as to whether I should follow him or not.
"See you later?" I whisper like a fucking desperate puppy. Thinking he wouldn't turn around I wipe a tear that falls against my approval. But instantaneously, Ashton turns around and nods at me, his face holding many emotions that I can't read.
