I hadn't slept. Even with Ashton next to me, I didn't get one minute of sleep. I couldn't. I didn't want to.
I felt like since yesterday both he and I were treading so lightly on everything that if I had this reoccurring nightmare - I'd lose it.
"Ashton - I have to get up." I mumble, trying to pushing him off me. He only grumbles, tightening his grip on me.
"Ashton," I groan quietly and his eyes groggily open, staring deeply in mine.
"Fine." He yawns as he rolls next to me, setting me free. I get up, ready to get dressed for the trip.
I walk into my closet grabbing black skinny jeans and a loose grey hoodie, my white slip-on vans sat near my bed as I slip my clothes on.
"Do you want me to drop you off?" Ashton asks rubbing his eyes from its tiredness. I nod, my hands buttoning my jeans.
"Yeah, I don't want to leave my car in that parking lot..." I say and he nods, throwing his legs over the side of my bed.
His hair is unruly - light brown and blonde curls flowing all around. He's still wearing his clothes from yesterday - his shirt a bit wrinkled.
He begins putting his shoes on that lay at the edge of the bed, tying them up he stands up and runs his fingers through his hair again.
"Can I use your toothbrush?" He asks and I nod, grabbing my purse and putting my essentials in it.
I grab my hair, using my fingers as a brush, I put it in a ponytail. I grab my infamous Ray-Bans, placing them on my head.
I walk to the bathroom just as Ashton spits out some toothpaste. He continues to brush his teeth so I take a seat on the toilet - patiently waiting for him to be done.
"Here," he says wiping his wet mouth as he passes me a wet toothbrush. I grab it, putting a layer of toothpaste on it as Ashton walks out the bathroom.
I brush in silence, I try not to stare my reflection but it's hard since there's an obvious mirror in front of me.
There's dark bags under my eyes from my lack of sleep in the past two days. My cheeks are semi-hollow, my hair full of fly-always. Besides the toothbrush in my mouth I can see my lips are chapped, my brown eyes darker than ever.
I shake my head to rid any thoughts about myself as I finished brushing my teeth, bringing the toothbrush with me to my room as I through it in my purse.
Ashton isn't in my room so I presume he's in the living room or kitchen.
I grab my purse and shoes, walking out my room and to the living room. Ashton sits on my couch, a banana in hand as he stares at the tv - the morning news is playing.
"Ready?" He asks and I nod, going into the kitchen for a banana myself.
I come back, sitting at least 6 inches away from him as I open my banana. Ashton eyes me but I just gulp, my eyes strained on the television.
"Come here." He mutters before looping a finger in my pants belt loop and pulling me into his side. His arm is over my shoulder, the other pulling one of my legs across his lap so his hand lays on my knee.
"When do you come back?" He asks, I cover my mouth since I still had some banana in it.
"Sunday at 3pm." He nods, his fingers tracing figures into my jean clad legs.
His eyes are intently on me, while mine are avoiding his. I felt so nervous around him. I didn't want to upset him or say something stupid. But at the end of the day it'll always be my fault because I can't speak my feelings..
"What are you thinking about?" He asks and I furrow my eyebrows, my eyes meeting his intense green/brown ones.
"You touched your nose... Like how you use to." Ashton mumbles, my lips instantly fall into an 'O'. I didn't even realize I did it. When I told him a while back that it was just something I subconsciously did - I meant it.
"I wasn't thinking about anything... In particular." I say, taking another bite out of my banana.
Ashton nods slowly, he hums in response. He turns to the TV, watching it as I continue to stare at him.
What was I doing? I could just tell him how everything is bothering - my mom situation, the dream, what my mind is reeling about day and night. Buts it's always easier said then done. I was never an open person before I met Ashton and its it easy being like him - being so confident in my thoughts and feelings. He had his life sorted out, I didn't.
My eyes instantly fall to my lap, the banana peel in my hands ready to be discarded.
I stand up from siting next to Ashton and walk to the kitchen, I can feel his eyes on me and it takes everything in me to not burst in tears and spill my heart and mind out to him.
I was toxic for him, I knew I was. Sooner or later he'll realize I've only caused havoc in his life and he'll break up with me, kicking me out of his life.
I rubbed my hands over my face before walking back into the kitchen.
"I'm ready." I croaked out and he nods, turning the tv off he grabs one of my bags and we head out.
I was ruining us, I knew it.
-
I closed the door to Ashton's car, holding my purse in my hand as Ashton held my other one.
We walked in silence to the caravan where I saw Katie, John, Julie and Nathan - talking, John holding a cigarette in between his lips.
"There's Kat!" Julie says beaming at me, I give her a small smile before looking down at my feet.
"The bags go in the back," Nathan says and I nod as I walk with Ashton to the trunk of the car, it's open already, filled with bags so Ashton puts mine on top.
He turns to me instantly, his hands finding my waist.
"Call me later," he mumbles and I nod, my teeth biting into my bottom lip. "I love you." He says as he lean in to peck my lips.
"I love you too." I reply and he nods, walking backwards to the car.
I walk to the side of the van were my coworkers and boss wee waiting for me.
"Another make out session?" Nathan jokes as we all start piling into the van.
My cheek go red and I shake my head. "No."
And the ride starts, two hours were going to feel like 10 and so I put my sunglasses on my eyes and closed my eyes.
Maybe I can get some sleep. Maybe.
-
I'm sure her weekend will be filled with happiness and joy! ;-)))))) lol I'm so cruel ugh anyways how are you guys liking it?
It's going to be a kind of dark ride for the rest of the book which only will be about 20 more chapters so !!!!!! Yeah ahah
