An Outlet - Part 9

29 March, 2021.

Reminder : Do not be pressured with filling this journal. Let the chapters be short, leave out the back-story if it takes up time or takes you away from what wanted to write down at the moment. It's okay if nobody/you don't understand shit of what's going on when you look back at it. As long as you feel the need to write it down, write it down.

I'm positively overwhelmed with how things at work have turned out.

During the exam season, I would constantly get immensely emotional every time I got some good news. The day I learnt that I will mostly be getting a 1 rating and that my new Engagement Partner was pushing to make it happen. The day my Performance Manager called and asked me to change my self rated 2 rating to a 1. The day I learnt that I'll mostly be promoted and am on the top of the dept's promotion list. The day I learnt that I have been selected to give an inspirational speech to the others at office.

Even though I kept getting news that should ideally make me keep getting happy and feeling successful, I wasn't able to fully do so because at the back of mind, I knew that I was going to resign soon and once I let anyone at my company know that, I will get stripped off of all of these merits and opportunities.

I let my HR know that I was going to resign and she still let me narrate my story to an audience of 120 people on 26 Feb, 2021.

I officially resigned on 8 Mar'21 knowing fully well that I was passing up on an opportunity to get promoted but from last week onwards, I keep hearing indirectly that the company management has still decided to let my promotion through....

Can you believe this? After all the negative things that I've heard about appraisal seasons, getting to hear all this just feels too good to be true.

I am genuinely moved by how much faith the others have in me, how much they value the work that I have done as an employee of the firm. Thanks a lot everyone!

The promotion list will be coming out on 1st April and I'm trying my level best to still not keep any expectations despite strong signs saying I should.

The first sign came when I had a very confusing call with Department's Manager last week. Ever since I had my inspirational story session, he has praised me in every conversation we've had and has told me that he remembers the proud look on my dad's face when I was felicitated for my double quarter awards.

During that call, he told me that all appraisal formalities are shut and we'll/I'll be getting our result soon. I was like "wait, what's the point of telling me this. I'm not even a part of the appraisal conversation anymore". When I asked him that, he went all defensive and told me that I'm very much a part of the organization and the appraisal process. And that he didn't want me to leave the firm with any negative feelings.

I honestly didn't know what to make of the call. First of all, I learn that I'm am a part of the appraisal cycle despite being on notice. But other than that, whatever he said/the way he said it, felt more like he was trying to prepare me for some bad news, soften an unexpected blow of some kind.

Then last Friday, I got a late call from my Performance Manager asking me to send a picture for the promotion announcement. When I expressed surprise, he even went "Do you not want it?". And if you're wondering whether I gave my picture then hell yes, I did. As confused as I may be, who am I to directly say no to a promotion especially when they know the situation I am in.

I spoke to Preston yesterday, my trusted official informant and he told me that the management has decided to allow me to leave with a promotion. "Isko Senior Analyst banake hi jaane denge". Mind blown.

And today when I we exchanged Holi wishes, my Manager messages "You will get to hear something very good in this week"

!!!!!!!!

I'm seriously living a dream.