𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐀 - wilbursoot

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧

tw // detailed description of an anxiety attack!!
+ minor mention of throwing up
(whole chapter)

vienna walked into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. as she was about to head towards her room, she noticed some dishes in the sink. she didn't just want them to pile, so she decided to wash them.

she grabbed her airpods from the counter, quickly playing some music. everything seemed fine to her. i mean, she just had a great day with wilbur. it's like every time she was with him, she forgot everything else.

without wilbur, who knows where she'd be. he was always one call away when any minor, or just any, inconvenience happened. he reassured her and made her feel safe and comfortable.

just as she was finishing the dishes, everything just hit her. everything she'd been pushing down for the past months, even years, just came rushing back. it all became tok much for her in such a short amount of time.

as soon as she placed the last dish on the rack, she ran to her room. she plopped on her bed, head buried in the sheets, as she cried.

not even a few seconds later, she got up and headed towards her bathroom. she closed the door and locked it. she wasn't sure why, arabella went to visit her friends in london again so she realky had no reason to, except it made her feel safer.

she sat in front of the toilet. her knees were against her chest as the tears kept flowing down. she couldn't, causing her to panic more. when she finally could, she was practically gasping for air every second. her hands ranged from wrapping around her knees to wiping away the tears.

she sat against the wall, leaning her head back every so often. the music in her ears never stopped playing, only making her cry more as the lyrics registered in her mind.

why, why, why?

things were getting better, or at least she thought. maybe she was just distracted for too long. vienna was always pushing things down, avoiding anything that could trigger an anxiety attack anytime she could.

she just wanted it to stop, but it was never that easy. the most she could do was let her body rid of the things that had been bothering her for so long.

her hands made their way to her hair, wrapping it around her fingers. she pulled, and pulled, like her life depended on it. a habit she picked up throughout the years, which only caused more pain.

she started thinking about ways to help herself out. only one thought came to mind, make herself throw up. her logic being that it could make her feel lighter, safer.

and so, she leaned against the toilet and continuously gagged. when she felt it in her throat, she fell back. more sobs escaping her eyes. if she hated anything, it was throwing up. yet she tried again, and again, wanting nothing more than to rid her stomach of its feeling, but falling back every time she came close.

she patted around around her, reaching around the air for something, anything, to hold. something to let her know she was safe and that she'd be okay. nothing, there was nothing.

her last resort was herself. she wrapped her arms around herself, but she just dug her nails into her skin. why? she had no idea. another common occurrence when she had these attacks.

she glanced at her phone that had been tossed on the floor of her bathroom earlier. she didn't grab it tho, she just stared. at a time like this, she felt like she had no one to go to.

an hour later she was still gasping for air and sobbing, but it was beginning to die down. once she was calm enough, she got up and repeatedly splashed cold water onto her face.

she picked up her phone and made her way to bed. not even bothering to change, she got under the blankets. soft music still playing through her airpods as she fell asleep.

author's note
first of all, i want to say that if you ever go through something like this, the best thing for you to do is let it happen. your body has been through so much and this is how it feels better for a time. try breathing exercises and call out 4 things you see, 4 things you hear, and touch 4 things around you. drink some water!

second of all, there doesn't always have to be a trigger for anxiety attacks. they're bound to happen at any moment, which can be scary, but i promise you'll be okay. my messages are always open for anyone who needs to talk.

third of all, updates might be a little slower for a while. my mental health has declined, and i've got a project for school i really need to work on. stay safe and ily guys <3