A Sickness, A Doctor, A Cheater ||Dnb|| ✔

18

The sound of the television and smell of bacon woke Dream up. He slowly blinked his eyes, adjusting to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, warming the bedroom. The homey scent of the breakfast Sapnap was probably cooking drifted into the room. Ignoring the ache in his body, he sat up in a daze.

Warm sunlight, smell of breakfast, and his lover actually caring. This was a dream he wished for, something that he longed for such a long time.

But now it all seemed so laughable.

"Oh, you're awake."

The kittens woke Sapnap up early in the morning. He was still groggy; thinking the kitten on his arm was Dream, he reached down to kiss him, but instead got a big mouthful of fur instead. The mouthful of fur was enough to fully wake him up, but he nearly yeeted the kittens off the balcony. But he managed to resist the urge to yeet the furballs. Instead, he kissed Dream lightly on his forehead before heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

Sapnap entered their bedroom to wake Dream up, but now that he saw he was already awake, he could feel himself hesitating. It was strange, he rarely felt nervous around people, but right now, he felt slightly intimidated by Dream's stare.

Dream glanced up before looking away again.

"Are you not going to greet me?" Dream stayed silent."Does your mouth still hurt? Here, let me take a look. Fundy left behind some medication yesterday, I'll apply it for you after we eat." Sapnap said, voice laced with concern, hands reaching for Dream. But he avoided him, shaking his head.

Tiredness and disappointment washed over Dream when he looked at Sapnap. He was tired of the constant cycle of getting hurt then the strange gentleness afterwards. He was disappointed that there was only gentleness after cruelness.

"Are you still angry?" Sapnap asked, hand reaching out to comb Dream's hair, softly tracing down to cup his cheeks, "Please don't be angry at me. I was jealous, afraid that you would get taken advantage of out there." he hesitated, "Besides, it was super cold outside and you forgot your sweater at someone else's place. I was worried."

Sapnap really did feel sorry for what he did, he wanted to make up with Dream. He went sat next to him, even going as far as to pet the kittens resting in Dream's arms.

Dream wanted to laugh. Jealousy, please, and worry? It was unbelievable how Sapnap managed to talk his way out everything. If possessiveness is only jealousy, if rape results from worry, then what is love? If Sapnap could only think about the scarf and the missing coat, why couldn't he see the person next to him is becoming thinner and weaker?

Sapnap gazed at Dream's face gingerly, trying to read his expression, but all he got was the same indifferent look. It made him even more uneasy, "... I can't ignore outside matters, even if I want to. I still need to provide for us." He slowly started, trying to choose his words carefully. He did not want to go more in depth. Firstly, because he did not know how much Dream knew of the situation, and secondly, he felt guilty. The words felt uncomfortable to say to someone he loved so deeply.

"It's been really hectic these past years, and I definitely neglected you, but what can I do? The reason I worked so hard, it was all for you. I wanted to give you everything I have, to make you live a happy life." Sapnap muttered as he wrapped his arms around Dream's shoulders.

The lies mixed so easily into his words, it was believable that even Sapnap could not help but smile sincerely. He remembered that when he was younger, it really was his dream (no pun intended) to give Dream a future where they could live together happily.

The sweet words tasted bitter, it tasted bitter more than anything else to Dream. It was painful. When he was alone during new year with the medical results, when he was in pain from the chemotherapy, when he was sick, feeling more alone than ever, to what degree had his pain reached?Dream did not know how to describe it, but he knew it was not just being neglected, it definitely was not 'happiness' either.