[ITZY] How You Roll (It Up) | A JinLia Fanfiction

[39] Hana

"I probably won't be there when it happens, right?"

Yeji really tried finding an answer that didn't hurt Ryujin, but the puzzled expression on her friends face was enough of an answer for the outsider, leaning her head against the dashboard in front of her.

"Fuck..."

"I really don't know if I should say anything to you, but don't beat yourself up too much about it... Jisu is probably handling everything just fine."

"But I promised to be there..."

"I think Kiara understands that it's not your fault that you're not there."

"Do you think I could be there when I walk?"

"Considering the fact that it doesn't take long until the baby's here and the hospital is quite far away, I don't think you'll make it unless you run... But you can still try, I know that you probably don't want to spend anymore time in the car with me, so go ahead and do it if you want to be there."

The taller girl still seemed to be bitter about the situation on Valentine's Day, but obviously tried hiding it to not piss Ryujin off, knowing well that the outsider feels similiar.

But to Yeji's surprise, the younger girl leaned back into her seat, crossing her arms.

"No, I'm not going."

"Why not? I thought this meant so much to you?"

"It does. But our friendships is way more important to me, and when I'm leaving right now, I would feel bad for leaving you here all alone."

The girl in the driver's seat smiled, which Ryujin instantly returned, before the outsider turned down the volume of the music.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know, how are you feeling about it?"

"I mean... You probably know that your statement hurt me in that moment, so I don't really know what to tell you."

"I'm sorry... I didn't think my words through and said it out of anger... It just... made me mad that you didn't want to talk, that you chose to keep it for yourself to not stress us anymore instead of just talking to us... In that time, all I wanted is that we stick together..."

"Don't you think I already knew that you wanted this? All of you wanted to be there for each other, but not me, not in that time... I kept it for myself because I couldn't talk about it, because everytime I tried, I would choke up and cry until the next morning..."

After Yeji heard how shaky Ryujin's voice became, she turned to look into her teary eyes.

"Ryujin..."

"I-I didn't want to hurt you, but I knew that everytime I would start talking to you, I c-can't control my emotions, so to hide them, I put on this cold filter... I'm s-sorry..."

"Hey, it's okay... I know it sucked..."

"It still does! I thought everything will be okay when she w-wakes up again, but no, of course not! Everything we ever did together is in the fucking past!"

At this point, Ryujin was crying hard, almost sobbing, Yeji laying her hand on her shoulder.

"And I get that it's hard, but everything you did will always be a part of her... She told me that she felt this weird sense of comfort, familiarity and warmth whenever she thinks of you... It's still in her..."

Now trying to keep her voice down, Ryujin looked down, some more tears dropping down her face.

"But what does it matter when I can only tell her about the things we did?"