Forbidden Love [Loki x reader] (Part 1)

Chapter 50 - Tears

Longer chapter

-- your POV --

-Loki: "Where have you been?", he asked as soon as he saw me, "What happened to you? Did somebody hurt you?"

He asked as soon as he saw my wound. He put his hands on my cheeks and I felt how my heart is beating faster. He really worried about me. I am happy about that. He really cares. Maybe there could be more between us than I thought.

-Y/n: "I'm alright, really. I was just walking around the city."
-Loki: "How did you get that?", his ice blue eyes didn't leave mine but I knew exactly what he was talking about.
-Y/n: "While i was looking around I ran into something. Stupid me.", I said with a smile and really hoped that he would believe me, at least until we're alone and no one could hear us.

I see in his eyes that he doesn't believe me, but he nods and understands that I don't want to talk about it now. I can also see that he won't just leave it like this. It's not that worse what happened to me, it could have been worse if Hadeon didn't safe me, so I'm just lucky.

-Loki: "Thank you kid for bringing her home.", again this word which makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Loki put his arm around my waist and Leads me to my room. First I was shocked and a bit in pain because I thought we was about to leave me alone.

-Loki: "Grab yourself some stuff.", he told me and quickly added: "If you even want to spend the night with me again."

I smiled and walked into my room, Loki waited outside. While I get some of my stuff I silently pray that we won't walk pass anyone on our way to his room. I feel like a little child, but I really don't want to see or to talk to anyone else. It's been a rough day and I just want to take a shower and fall into bed. Next to Loki. Yes, next to Loki, that's all what I want. After about 5 minutes I come back outside and close the door behind me. If I would have been in a good mood, then I would've closed the door as soon as I walked inside to confuse him a little, but I really don't have energy for that.

-Y/n: "Can I take a shower later?", I ask because I wanted to be polite.
-Loki: "Can I join?", his hand is moving down to my butt and my cheeks are getting warmer.
-Y/n: "It's your shower, I can't tell you to stay out of it.", I answer him with a smile on my lips.

To my surprise we reached his room without walking into someone. I could feel how I get relaxed. I didn't even realise that I was tensed the whole time. Loki is opening the door and lets me go through it first. He really is a gentleman if we wants to be one. I throw the bag of all my stuff on the chair in his room and I immediately felt hands on my shoulders and breath on my neck.

-Loki: "Do you want to tell me now what happened?", he almost whispers.
-Y/n: "I prefer to not talk about it at all.", he turns me around and look deeply into my eyes.
-Loki: "Are you sure?"

I nod and he gives me a kiss. I know that he wanted to do that since I stepped one foot in the headquarters, but he wanted to make sure if I'm okay.

-Y/n: "I don't know if I can do this today, Loki.", I said as our kiss ended.
-Loki: "What would you like to do then?"
-Y/n: "Taking a shower and sleeping."
-Loki: "Then why did you come here?", he asked and I felt a sting in my chest.
-Y/n: "You invited me. I thought-", he interrupted me.
-Loki: "That we're going to cuddle?", he asked surprised.
-Y/n: "Not exactly, but to just be with each other.", I lie.
-Loki: "And what would be my advantage by being with each other?", he asked a bit angrily and I felt heart broken.
-Y/n: "I- I can go if you want to.", I say, feeling miserable.
-Loki: "No. You came here, knowing exactly what is about to happen. Now you have to fulfil your duty as a woman.", he grabs me on my jeans and pulls it down. Tears are running down my cheeks but he didn't care.

I abruptly wake up in the middle of the night and felt tears on my cheeks. As I look around I see Loki laying next to me. I immediately jump out of the bed and he wakes up because I wasn't really quiet while doing this.

-Loki: "Is everything okay?"

I didn't dare to speak but I could feel more tears running down my cheeks. As Loki saw my tears because of the moonshine on my face, he also got out of bed and walks towards me. My feet didn't let me move anywhere else than backwards to the wall. I felt helpless again, powerless and weak.

-Loki: "Shh, hey what is wrong?"

He still comes towards me and with every step he took it felt like I was able to breath less. As he also noticed my panic attack, he stood still, not knowing what to do now.

-Loki: "Please talk to me, what happened?", he seemed like he didn't know what he did to me.
-Loki: "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable but if you don't talk to me I will have to and you know that."

I don't understand what he's talking about. He just raped me, isn't it understandable that I don't want to be near him? Suddenly Loki run towards me and touched my arms. I was shocked but after I caught myself again, I pushed him off of me with every last energy that is still within me.

-Loki: "I'm sorry, but listen, it was just a dream. I would never touch you without your permission.", he said quickly.
-Y/n: "I don't believe you.", I whisper that you almost couldn't hear it.
-Loki: "After we kissed you fell asleep. I undressed you and put on the shirt that you brought with you and laid you in bed. The next thing I did was taking a shower. After that I laid beside you and fell asleep too."
-Y/n: "I- it was a dream?", I felt relief, "You- you didn't touch me?"
-Loki: "I would never harm you.", he said to reassure me everything, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened at that gas station?", he saw more than necessary, but what else could I have expected from him.

Now that I felt safe but also really stupid, I walked towards him and sat on his lap like a little child, but that's exactly how I feel right now. Loki puts his arms around me and I lay my head into his neck.

-Y/n: "You've already seen it, why should I tell you about it?", I said after a while, my head still in his neck.
-Loki: "Because I want to know if you killed that son of a bitch or if I already have plans for tomorrow."
-Y/n: "I didn't, but he's probably in jail."

Loki grabs my head carefully, so that I have to look at him. My head hurts from all the adrenaline that is just leaving my body and I'm very tired again.

-Loki: "Do you really think of me in that way? That you have to have sex with me or I'll rape you?"
-Y/n: "I'm weak Loki, everyone could do anything with me and I couldn't do anything about it.", I say, avoiding to answer his question.
-Loki: "You know that this didn't answer my question."
-Y/n: "No, I don't think of you that way."
-Loki: "But you believed it way too fast and you were so afraid of me.", he said, almost sad.
-Y/n: "It was just a long day for me with everything that happened. My nerves just need a break, that's all. You could tell me that Natasha is sleeping with Tony and I would believe you.", I joked and he had to laugh.

He then kisses me and while we kiss he lifts me up and lays me down on the bed again. The kiss ends, even though I wanted it to go on forever, and he walks around the bed and lays beside me. I come closer to him and he lays an arm around me. God this feels good. Loki Laufeyson is cuddling with someone - no not with someone, with me.

-Loki: "I'll make sure that you're having a day off tomorrow. We will do whatever you want, okay?", he says from behind me.

I turn around to face him and give him another kiss which means that I'm excited for tomorrow. 'You should sleep' were his words. I nodded and cuddled myself in his arms and quickly fell asleep.