Will it ever end? - A Larry Stylinson Story

Chapter 34

Louis POV

It was about a week later and we were on our way to see this specialist. It was in a prestigious hospital about two hours away from home and I was still skeptical about the surgery. I had done my own research over the week and I didn't want to die or be paralyzed or anything like that from this surgery. I wanted it to give me a better quality of life.

We were about 20 minutes away and I was getting pretty nervous. Harry must have sensed my nervousness because he grabbed my hand, kissed the back of it and rested it on the gear stick. He didn't say anything, but looked over at me a few times before we finally pulled into the parking lot.

The hospital was huge and looked expensive as fuck. Nevermind the fact that if I were to get this surgery, how the hell would I afford it? I'm sure it's expensive and I feel out of place just being here.

"Ready?" Harry asked. We were still sitting in the car.

"Not really, but let's go." He nodded and we both got out of the car. We walked hand-in-hand towards the front entrance. We asked the nice lady at the reception where the neurology suite was and she gave us directions to the elevator. The neurology wing was on the ninth floor so we got in the lift and slowly waited for it to deliver us to the correct floor. We approached the desk, my heart still beating out of my chest.

"Hi we are here for a consultation with Dr. Ash." Harry said as I stood next to him.

"Patient's name, age and date of birth?" The young lady asked.

"Louis Tomlinson, 26, December 24th, 1991" I said this time and the lady typed away before handing me some forms to fill out and telling us we would be seen in a few minutes.

We sat down in the corner of the waiting room and I filled out the forms quickly. I placed the pen on the small table beside me and held Harry's hand while we waited.

"Louis Tomlinson." A nurse called from the doorway. We both got up and followed the nurse to the room. She took my vitals and asked me some basic questions about my epilepsy. She then left, telling us Dr. Ash would be here in just a moment.

We thanked her and sat in silence while we waited for the doctor to come in. I was still pretty nervous and started rubbing my hands up and down my thighs. Harry saw and came over and sat next to me on the bed. He took my hands and held them, rubbing circles into the backs of my hands with his thumbs.

"Try to relax baby." He said gently and I nodded, taking deep breaths and eventually calming myself down. Then there was a knock and a young doctor came in.

"Hi boys, I'm Dr. Ash." He shook both of our hands. "You must be Harry." He said when he shook Harry's hand.

"Yes sir, that's me. Thank you so much for seeing us today." He nodded and sat down on the small chair on wheels. He took my chart and looked some stuff over before turning his attention to me on the bed.

"Alright Louis, can I call you that? Or do you have another name that you like to go by?" The doctor asked and I was taken aback. He was so nice!

"No Louis is fine sir, thank you though."

"Of course." He said. "Now you were diagnosed with epilepsy as quite a young age I can see. And it's been getting worse?" I nodded. "About when do you say it started to get worse?"

"A few weeks ago? We had something happen and we were both drugged. It was after that when it got really bad. I went from seizing a few times a week to seizing almost a few times a day sometimes."

"Okay, yes that type of progression was definitely caused by something, although it could just be coincidence." The doctor went on to talk about my medical history with all the different medications I've been on for my epilepsy and how often my seizures occurred before. Of course that got into the conversation of Jake and I's relationship, which I wasn't too happy to discuss, but if it helped with his diagnosis, then whatever I guess.

"Alright so it's clear that you've been having a rough time with your epilepsy, nevermind the rest of your life. Now you said you've been consulted for this surgery before, correct?"

"Yes. A couple years after I was initially diagnosed with epilepsy, my mother took me to get checked out by a different neurologist and he said that because of my age and my epilepsy not being very severe, it was pointless to do the surgery. But now maybe it can change that?" I said, slightly hesitant in my voice. The doctor picked up on that.

"You're skeptical about it, though. Aren't you?" I nodded.

"Yeah I am. I just-" I sighed. "I've read some things about it and as much as it would be great to change my quality of life to something greater, I'm nervous about the risks. I mean it said I could die or become paralyzed or something like that. Is that true?" I asked.

"Well let me explain the surgery first." I nodded. "Basically we take electrodes and implant them into one or both sides of the brain, depending on your EEG results before surgery. Then that device is connected to a neurostimulator that we implant into the chest." He points to a spot right above where the heart would be.

"To put it simply we connect the electrodes to the neurostimulator. The wire to connect them is passed through the neck and chest, but that is probably the simplest part. With the device, it can be programmed specifically for each patient and can provide 24/7 symptom control. It's a very good device and has helped many patients with their quality of life.

Of course, with every surgery, there are risks and side effects for after. Infection is always a big one, but very rare. Same with brain hemorrhage, or bleeding, stroke, paralysis, and death. It's about a 1% complication for everything besides stroke. Stroke is more of about 15%, but those I've seen have a stroke from this surgery, it was very minor and took about a week or two of therapy to get back to their normal.

The only other big risk is the device malfunctioning. There is a safety mechanic in place if the device were to malfunction so it wouldn't hurt you or your brain. If a malfunction were to occur, then we could simply replace the device with another surgery or remove the device all together, but again this doesn't happen very often, so I wouldn't be too worried about it."

"Would I have to keep this device for life?" I asked.

"Not necessarily. With any type of hardware that is implanted into the body, such as an artificial hip or knee joint, or a pacemaker, it eventually has to be replaced. Luckily with this device, the effects are reversible and some say after the device is removed, their symptoms never returned. So we can try this device for a few years and see if it helps. And if the device happens to malfunction or its time for it's replacement, you can decide if you want it removed. It's basically up to you, but like I said, I've had patients who have removed the device all together after a few years and their symptoms were practically gone."

"Is it possible to turn off the device so we can have a trial period to see if the device worked and he can live without it? Or is that not an option?" Harry asked.

"The only way to 'turn it on or off' is when the device is implanted or removed, or the device malfunctions. There unfortunately isn't a way to test. Scientists and other neurologists are still working on new prototypes with that feature, but it's not currently approved for use in patients." the doctor explained.

Dr. Ash gave us more and more information on this surgery and sent us home with a pamphlet and a packet explaining the procedure. He also gave us his card with his personal number to ask more questions or to give him the go ahead with the procedure.

We walked to the car in silence and rode all the way home. Once we got a bit closer to the house, Harry was the one to break the silence.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked and I sighed.

"I don't know, just thinking I guess." I replied.

"About the surgery?" He asked looking at me. I nodded. The rest of the ride was silent until we pulled up to the house. We both got out and I headed to the living room, while Harry went to the kitchen to make some lunch for the both of us.

He brought the sandwiches we made and we ate in silence. He turned the TV on and turned on his favorite show. Eventually he nodded off after he finished eating and I followed soon after. We were both too exhausted to talk about this.