Numb ---- Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugo----[BOOK 1]

23 - Help

Bakugo's POV:

About half an hour passed of just me and Todoroki talking on my bed. We weren't talking about anything serious, yet I could sense something was off with him. His eyes constantly avoided mine, and he relentlessly picked at his sleeve. He didn't seem nervous, just on edge a bit. He looked uncomfortable, only giving short responses to everything I said.

I looked down at his sleeve as he fidgeted with it, trying to see if there were any new cuts. However, his sleeve remained down past his knuckles.

Without warning, I grabbed his arm and pulled it towards me. He grunted in pain quietly, trying to pull his arm away. I tightened my grip.

"Why are there bloodstains on your hands Icyhot?"

"From last night probably, I don't know." He said, still avoiding eye contact with me. I gave him a doubtful look and raised his sleeve suddenly. I could feel him trembling under my grasp, but I didn't dare let go.

The cuts weren't new, but they were definitely more agitated than the night before. Not to mention I wrapped them last night. These aren't wrapped.

A thick layer of dried blood rested on top of the cuts, along with stains of blood all down his arm.

"Did they reopen?"

"I don't know. I haven't even looked at them until now."

"That's a lie. They were wrapped before. You must've unwrapped them. When did they reopen?"

"I... I really don't know, okay?"

"Did you reopen them?"

"I...." He looked down. "No, I didn't, I swear. I haven't touched them."

"Don't lie to me Todoroki." I noticed his hands shaking more intensely.

"I'm not."

"You're trembling Todoroki."

"Iron deficiency."

"Hm. Fine then." I dropped his arm and he immediately yanked his sleeve down again. "Go rinse the blood off at least."

"It'll be fine. If I scrub the blood off it'll just agitate them more."

"Whatever. Just don't mess with them again."

"I didn't mess-"

"I mean it Todoroki. I'm not an idiot." He looked down and I stood up, pacing the room. He rolled his sleeve down and got up, walking towards the door. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To my dorm?"

"Yeah. Okay." I said, sarcastically. "You really think I'm gonna let you just leave after last night?"

"....yes?"

"Tch." I walked over to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the door. "What the hell happened yesterday?"

"I don't remember most of it to be honest."

"Exactly, because you were high off your ass." I folded my arms.

"So?"

"So?! What do you mean 'so'?!?!"

"It's not a big deal Bakugo."

"It is a big fucking deal!!! Do you know how dangerous drugs like that are?!?!"

"Who cares? I'll probably end up dead anyways so it's fine. It's not like I was planning on living long."

"What ever happened to being a hero? Proving your old man wrong?"

He shrugged.

"It's a lot to go through just to prove a point. And besides, he'd still be getting what he wanted regardless."

"Then what keeps you at U.A.?"

"He makes me attend. I thought that much was obvi-"

"No I know that. But I also know you. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't work so hard at it. What keeps you here?"

"Where else would I go? Home? This is the only place I can go where I actually feel somewhat welcome. I don't have anywhere else. Or anyone else for that matter. U.A. is really all I have left going for me in life. Otherwise I'd just...."

"You'd just what?"

"Leave. I mean think about it, what else would I live for? My mother can't stand the sight of me, my siblings are rarely allowed to see me, my father just treats me like an object, and I don't have any other connections to the outside world. So without the people here, what would I be staying for?" He looked down. "I mean honestly, even with the people here who somewhat care.... Would anyone even be affected if I was gone? Sure they might be sad, but in the long run it wouldn't be too much of a loss. Just one less person in the world. There's billions of those in the world. I'm not special. I could die, and billions of people would never even know. Life would go on. Hardly anything would be different at all. If anything, things would be better that w-"

I placed my hand on top of his, causing him to flinch.

"That's not true Todoroki and you know it. Cut that out. That's just your head overthinking things. And your head is wrong about you."

I looked into his eyes to see if I was getting through to him, but to no avail. I saw nothing but emptiness.

I looked down.

"I guess you weren't kidding when you said you felt numb. I mean jesus christ Todoroki, don't you feel?!?!"

Silence filled the room for what felt like an eternity.

"I should go."

He pulled his hand away and started walking towards the door again. I stood up.

"Wait, hang on. I didn't mean that... It's just..." He turned towards me with the same numb expression as always. "It's sad to me. You deserve to feel, just like everyone else. Even if they're not always pleasant. Being able to express it would help you a lot."

He shrugged, looking away. The reality of things suddenly hit me.

"You cut to feel something don't you?"

He didn't answer.

"Sorry, that was blunt. But I think I understand now. It's the buildup of things, isn't it? Just stress over time. Not being able to let it out I mean. That's why you cut. It's your way of letting all that out. Right?"

He sighed.

"When you're raised being taught to suppress things like that, eventually your brain gets used to it. If I cried in front of my father, I would be struck to the floor. If I showed any signs of weakness, I'd suffer for it. So eventually, yeah. I guess I resorted to cutting. But so what? It doesn't matter why I do it."

"Hell yeah it does. Once you know what the problem is, you can focus on fixing it."

"Bold of you to assume I didn't know what the problem was before." He sighed. "There's no 'fixing' me. It's hopeless as long as he's around, trust me I've tried. I never got anywhere, I just got worse."

"But things are different now."

"How so?"

"Because now you have help."