Numb ---- Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugo----[BOOK 1]

possibly discontinued ?

TRIGGER WARNING: LIKE EVERY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE YOU COULD IMAGINE

I'm gonna be real for a second. things fucking suck. I don't even know why the fuck I'm still here. I can't eat or sleep or even fucking get out of bed. I don't know why I keep putting myself through this shit and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.

I haven't interacted with anyone in person for months except people at school who have nothing better to do than beat me up and people at home who have nothing better to do than beat me up and make life a living hell.

drugs and alcohol have become a real problem and something I took was laced with heroin and it really fucked me up but I've kept taking it anyways bc yk addiction and shit. I can't focus on anything anymore, I'm always disassociating and having PTSD episodes and flashbacks, or just random panic attacks where I'm literally curled up in a ball on the ground sobbing hysterically and hyperventilating for no fucking reason at all.

I have really bad self harm cuts and burns fucking everywhere and I've even had to move to my hands and my face because I've ran out of room everywhere else. I don't know what to do and I dont fucking know what's wrong with me. I just kind of feel like I'm going insane and I'm literally gonna fucking die soon so idfk.

I'm trying my best to keep up with the story because it's really the only thing I can do to distract myself but idk. sad scenes are triggering bc they bring back a lot of memories from my personal life, but happy scenes are triggering too because there's so many wonderful things in life and human connection and relationships and stuff that I've never gotten to experience. especially with like romantic scenes and stuff because my first kiss was forced and it's the only one I've ever had, and everything even slightly romantic reminds me of it, and other things I won't really get into. but idk. I'll still try my best to keep up with it but I really don't know how much I can manage rn.

I'm sorry if this is disappointing, I really will do my best. I'm just not doing great right now. I'm sorry I can't do any better than this. I'm sorry. I know you guys don't need to hear my whole life story but there's no simple reason why I can't update. it's just everything.