PORN-CATION || J.JK ✓

Chapter 32- Aurora: II.

-Kim Namjoon POV-

“Ah thank god for Sunday” I whined while grabbing my coffee while my hand hold onto the television remote. After finally getting out of my sleepy state I switch on the television to catch up with what's happening around the world only to have the warm cup flooded in with caffeine slipping from my hands and colliding against the pavement from the amount of shock I just received.

“The rich so called cooperate dating the adult industry film producer Kim Namjoon is none other than Kim Seokjin. For those of you who don't know him, he's the owner of the Kim's firm and is worth around a billion dollar empire. The two have been dating since they were in high school and our sources have spotted them at multiple spots including Mr Kim Namjoon's mansion where Mr Seokjin looked particularly upset which is a rare site for the public, what's happening behind the curtains?” the news reporter spoke while the pictures from all the past days flashed over the screen adding up to my horror. Not caring about the coffee anymore I switch up the channels frantically only to find us everywhere, “No this can't happen please god no” I tear up while searching for my phone at this point I was already acting like a total mental unstable being. My phone filled with texts from Yoongi, Y/n and Seokjin while I stayed numb not believing what just happened and in between all that my mind takes me back to my past once again.

...

You can't stop time. You can't capture light. You can only turn your face up and let it rain down. That's exactly what I did, for the first time I not only thought about leaving Seokjin for good but actually ended up taking the action in person. Sitting down in the hallway with just a suitcase, waiting for my ride to finally get out of this world that I once made with the guy I loved. I realized that you can't spend the rest of your life tiptoeing around to try and avert disaster and in my case I sensed it way before this painful day.

"What are you doing?" he questioned, acting as if he didn't just slapped me a couple of hours ago. "I'm questioning my love for you, as much as it hurts I think we are just not meant to be Jin" before I could even finish myself he had to once again walk through in between to stop me from committing a so called sin in his bare opinion. "Stop you can't throw away our relationship, almost four years just because of a silly argument baby? But y-you know what? you are right. You can start working as much as you want and I'm just so so worry for raising my hands on you" and that's how the whole night melted down, filled with his so called promises and apologies.

They say time makes us sentimental. Perhaps, in the end, it is because of time that we suffer. I was indeed suffering each and every minute of my life, on the outside I smiled and looked the happiest I've ever been but on the inside I was stripped down naked and caged within a dark room filled with endless needles. Each second felt as if a thousand tiny pieces of glasses were smashed over my eyes and I could see nothing but feel the pain, was I depressed? maybe. Was I questioning my existence? not yet.

I was back to being his shadow again, there was no value to his words any more unless it's something that would be classified as an order. It wasn't even a relationship any more, I lost my true identity because I was too busy on paying attention over perfecting his. Sometimes I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself, stared at the once Kim Namjoon where my surname once stood for the pride of my ancestors but now it stood alone vulnerable under someone else's shadow.

I forgot to smile, how can you even forget to do something you once adored? I have no idea but maybe my heart deep inside was dead and what went on were just electrical impulses my sino atrial node generated as any natural pacemaker would just for the sake of formality. Just how I fake smiled everyday, for the sake of formality. My body's worn out, his arms that once made me feel secure every night while he wrapped them tight around me and protected me in his warm embrace were now the barriers that chocked me deep within inside as I stayed wide awake.