PORN-CATION || J.JK ✓

Chapter 38: Losing.

Something that is loved is never lost but still you don't realize the things you've lost until you actually lose it because to lose your father is to lose the one whose guidance and help you seek, who supports you like a tree trunk supports its branches. Nobody talks about the other loss, the loss that happens within us. We lose people and things, but we also lose parts of ourselves.

We grieve those missing parts too.  A father is someone who can either make you or break you. Even if it's your mother who provides you with all the necessary nourishments and warmth within the womb but at the end it's also the father who makes sure to protect you through each and every step of yours, to provide you with all the necessary comfort possible.

As I grew up older all the little yet meaningful I love you's became less, do I regret it now? Yes definitely yes. There's a cluster of mix feelings as I Inhale the now awful smell of the santized surroundings while hugging my dad as close as possible. I wished that my dad would be the one walking me down the aisle someday as he always wished to but life isn't just fair to me.

Growing up no one was superior in my eyes than my dad but with time things change because of the relationship our parents share. Maybe that's what affected me even though he never let his hatred towards mom affect the love towards me, he was alive all the time for me.

To guard my smile against all evils until I'm capable enough to fight myself and nothing could make him more prouder than the fact that his little girl is now an independent women who knows how to defend herself, who knows her worth, who won't let herself down for some jerk or take advantage of her being a female because she respects the teaching that her father whole heartedly once taught her to ensure her future is as bright as her smile.

“I never wanted for you to see all of what you saw Y/n-ah, I love you more than anything princess. I'm sorry you had to see all of that because papa is truly a monster, my relationship with your mom would always remain a mystery even to me my baby. Between everything the only reason that made me even get up every morning was you, my beautiful daughter. The first time I held you tight, you were so tiny and the exact mini replica of me. I couldn't be any more prouder of what you are honey, I'm sorry that I'm about to leave you so soon but princess I'll always stay right here. Always beside you like I was since the day you came into my life and I'll protect you from up thier baby” Dad's calming voice rushed through my ears as I grabbed him tighter than before, the last time he's talking to you is it? I don't want this to be last time.

“You are the most beautiful thing I've created, when I look at you every time I can't help but get on my knees to thank god for an angel like you” he continued as I held tighter onto him, hold on I still need you dad.

Honestly I don't know what I'd do without my father being by my side, who am I supposed to cry to whenever I'm upset or who am I supposed to count on when I'm having those terrible nightmares again. This is the price you pay for having a great father. You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments – and you get the tears at the end, too. Who's gonna peak under the bed to scare the monsters away or who's gonna call me penguin?

"Papa don't leave me please please please please please I'm scared papa don't" I begged as warm tears streamed down my face, not caring about the surroundings any more as I was scared dad might leave me alone even if I parted my eyes for a mere second.

Dad remained silent as his strong hands rubbed my back soothingly, the same touch that made me sleep within seconds with the feeling of security and happiness but now I was about to lose it. I was back to my ten year old self again, dad hugging me tight to help me sleep as previously another monster of my imaginations crawled underneath my bed.

"I'll always be thier with you penguin" he chuckled a little, a sad one. He wasn't ready to leave his baby girl either, a father could never imagine leaving the little petal he created with love and protected with immense care alone in this rough world because no matter what happens a father can't ever trust someone with his little angel except himself through any situation in general.