A Heart Break In Time

I Used To Have Nothing.

I couldn't get back to sleep so I went to the training room alone. My shirt was getting in the way so with one last look to be sure no one was around, I took it off, leaving me just in my sports bra. I continued taking my frustrations out on the punching bag when a voice was behind me.

"Yeah, picturing Sam's face always does it for me too. Really helps." I turned and Bucky was grinning at me. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my water.

"What are you doing up?"

"Nightmares." I watched as his eyes followed my scars. They started on my left breast and made its way down, jagged and red, to my thigh. My pants covered the truth length of it. But next to no one has even seen this much of it before. I grabbed my shirt and put it on. "Sorry, I shouldn't have stared. Of all people, I don't get to judge scars." He rubbed the area where his left arm met skin.

I gave a small giggle and he looked at me confused. "Sorry, I just... Do you know how long it takes people to even notice your scars?"

"What?"

"Oh my god, Buck. Are you serious? You're hot. And honestly, the metal arm thing is a turn on anyway, somehow." He rolled his eyes so I continued. "I'm serious. If we went out drinking, you'd have so much attention, promise."

"We did go out." He raised his eyebrow at me.

"I mean if we went out and you didn't look like you'd murder anyone who would talk to me."

"But I would." He grinned and I hit him.

"Shut up. You're so annoying."

He took a step closer to me. "But I'm hot."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Your level of attractiveness is only met by how fucking annoying you are."

"I can live with that." Bucky gave a huge smile and I rolled my eyes again.

"So seriously, why haven't you gone out to meet anyone? Don't you think it's time?"

"I don't think relationships are really for me anymore. I was never too good at them before and now..."

"And now?"

Bucky took a deep sigh and looked at the ground. "And now I don't really think I'm good at all."

I stared at him dumbfounded. I know he felt guilt about the things he couldn't control but to think he's not good hurt me. "Buck, come on. You don't believe that." When he didn't answer I grabbed his hands. "You know I read Hydra's file on you." His eyes darted up to meet mine. "I mean, I read everyone's files after Nat leaked them. But yours... Yours was different." Bucky looked back at the ground so I squeezed his hands harder and started to recite what I saw in his file. "'Subject is still actively aware of right versus wrong. Subject must remain in a positive headspace, must believe they are doing what is right or will become difficult to control.' That was word for word what was said. Even when you were mind controlled, they told you that you were saving the world. Because if they didn't, you rebelled. Even out of your mind, you were good, Buck."

Bucky's eyes met mine. "How do you remember that?"

"Photographic memory." I shrugged.

"I didn't know that."

"I don't really tell people about it. It's not really the point here, though."

Bucky's eyes still stared into mine as he continued. "Don't you think it's time?" I blinked at him and he continued. "For you to meet someone."

I pulled away from him. "No, anyone I meet now... I'm still too hurt. I'd be using them to make myself feel better and it wouldn't be right. Wouldn't be fair." I shrugged. "I'm fine though. Don't have to worry about me." I smiled at him.

Flashback

"Can you move your seat up?"

Sam gave a firm response. "No."

I rolled my eyes. "Is this what we're going to do? Toxic masculinity at its finest ladies and gents."

Bucky gave me a look and Sam chuckled.

"They look rather... friendly." Sam points out. We watch as Sharon leans in and kisses Steve. I tense up in my seat as I see Bucky look at me from my peripheral vision. They talked a bit more before Steve walks back to us.

He made eye contact with me as he walked towards us. "Talia, I-" he started as soon as he got in the car, turning towards me.

"We never said we were exclusive, Steve. I get it. Though one question." I shrugged before turning to Bucky, I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him towards me, pressing my lips against his. His body tensed up but relaxed as he kissed me back. After a short while I pulled away, smiling at Bucky as he stared at me shocked. I looked over at Steve. "Did that bother you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it did."

I shrugged. "Then maybe we shouldn't go around kissing other people anymore."

Steve gave a small laugh. "Yeah, guess not."

"You all right back there?" Sam looked at Bucky.

"Shut up."

"That was really nice, Buck. Thanks." I smiled at him.

"All right, let's move on." Steve stated and no one argued.

*

"I do need to tell you something, though..." I took a deep breath, I was dreading this conversation but it needed to happen. "I'm leaving the compound... for a while."

"What? Why?" Bucky gave the look I just about expected.

"I just need a break, I already talked to Fury about a leave of absence. I've never gone on vacation and given the last few weeks... it's earned."

"I guess I can't argue that." Bucky grumbled. "But what are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to go find Wanda."