A Heart Break In Time

I Got My Second Chance Right Here, Cap.

I sat on the floor of the jet, not speaking. I stared at Maria's unconscious face. I couldn't think of how we got here. I shouldn't have let Bucky go without me. I should've gone with him. No one even came through the doorway. Why didn't they come through? Who talked to me? And why? Why did they take Bucky? Where did they take Bucky? My thoughts were screaming and I couldn't get them to stop. I didn't even know the jet landed. Everyone was leaving. When Sam and T'Challa carried Maria out I noticed. I lifted my head up. I was alone.

I walked right to the bar, grabbed two bottles of tequila and started drinking from the bottle. I walked to the theater room and saw T'Challa on the way. He attempted to take the alcohol from me and I stared him down.

"Shuri and I are setting up to check Bucky's prosthetic's status."

"Good. Tell FRIDAY to let me know everything. I'm going... away." I went back to drinking from the bottle, ignoring the way it burned my mouth, throat, stomach. When did I last eat? Didn't matter, I wasn't hungry. This just meant I could get drunk faster.

I laid on the big couch of the theater room, bottle rarely leaving my lips. It replayed in my head. Bucky's gone. I promised him he'd be safe with us, with me. And I lost him. I let him go alone. And I lost him. They were torturing him. Now. And I was just... waiting.

I don't know how much time passed before Rhodey walked in and saw me. With the amount of pity in his eyes, I assumed I didn't look good.

"Talia, you can't do this to yourself." He sighed, still standing at the doorway. "Should I go get-" he stopped.

I harshly laughed. "No, go ahead. Finish that statement. Who do you wanna go get for me? Can't be Tony or Natasha, they're dead. Sure, there's Steve. But somehow I don't think 'Hey, your ex who didn't notice your brain was broken lost your best friend who she's in love with. She could use some cheering up.' Would go over too well, but what do I know?" I snapped out, taking another long drag from the bottle. When I looked back, Rhodey was gone. Way to go, Talia.

I stayed in the same position, staring at the ceiling. Until the door opening interrupted my thoughts. "Rhodey, I'll apologize later just leave me the hell alone."

"Not Rhodey." Steve responded.

I sat up, way too quickly, everything began to spin. I grabbed my head and looked at Steve. "Why are you here?"

"Wanda came to help me when she got back. I'm not all here, some things still are... mixed up. But she told me what happened." He walked over to sit next to me.

All I felt was guilt. Guilt down to my core. I lost him. I lost Bucky. We both knew what was happening to him now. And if I had just seen Steve needed help sooner... maybe we wouldn't be here at all. I couldn't look at him. I just stared at the floor.

"You know he wouldn't want you to blame yourself." Steve continued. "If it came down to you or him, he'd pick you. You know that." I still didn't answer. Steve sat back on the couch, looking at me. I kept glancing up at him. "Bucky knows we're coming to get him. He knows."

"Why are you here, Steve? Talking to me? Comforting me?" I croaked out, I was trying everything to not cry anymore, to hold myself together.

"Because you're the one person who loves him as much as I do." Steve looked forward and the guilt only sunk into my soul even deeper.

"Steve I-"

Steve interrupted me. "We don't need to talk about it. Just... I know. I know how you're feeling right now." He let out a deep sigh. "Every part of me is thinking that I should've been there."

"You can help the fact that your brain broke."

He chuckled slightly. "Yeah... yeah, you're right. Just when you thought aliens were the weirdest things we'd ever have to deal with right?"

I giggled. "I think the talking tree was the weirdest for me."

"Bucky wouldn't stop talking about the raccoon." Steve laughed.

I laughed with him and then we went silent for a while. "Steve?" I asked, breaking the silence. "Are you... you again?"

"I don't know. I think I am. It feels like I was here the whole time, but in the background." Steve explained.

I nodded, wanting to process what he said. All this craziness was catching up to me. And I started crying again. "Steve, I judged you when you retired before but-" a sob shook me. "I want out. I want to get out, I want Wanda to get out, and Peter, and Bucky. I want us all to be done. To be safe. It's too much, this is too much." I was hysterical again by the end.

Steve stood up and turned to the door. "Good, you're here."

"What?" I looked up, wiping my face.

Steve smiled at me. "I was just keeping you company until he got here." He patted my knee. "I'll see you in a bit, Talia."

He walked away and I turned to watch him go, and saw Clint standing in the doorway. "Hey kid. I'm really gonna have to stop trying to retire. Seems you guys can't do anything without me."