CRUSH [ONE-SHOTS, IMAGINES, & DRABBLES]

bucky barnes headcanon

Bucky can't let Steve go.

He knows it's selfish and he absolutely hates himself for even considering such horrors because Steve is so happy being Captain America and Bucky couldn't possibly be prouder of his old pal, but more often than not Bucky Barnes wishes that Steve Rogers never became Captain America.

And you can't blame him, either. Wouldn't you miss checking behind every alleyway that you crossed because oh no, what if Steve is in trouble again? What if Steve got in another fight and, being the stubborn ass he is, he's now refusing to give anything up in a fight he's got no choice but to lose??

Bucky does. He misses worrying — as crazy as it sounds — about his friend. But the thing is, he misses worrying about Steve Rogers, not Steve Rogers as Captain America.

And well, yeah, of course Bucky wishes that he were still needed.

Because how could he not? It has been — and still continues to be — so hard for Bucky not to go back to his old self, it's so hard not to treat Steve like he's made of glass because let's be honest here, he practically used to be!

Bucky is trying, with amazing effort of course, but sometimes it seems impossible. After all weren't things easier when he was the one in change? Didn't he feel more important when Steve needed him to say the least, even if it's just so he wouldn't get killed by some bully who's ten times his weight?

And sure, Steve knows this too — he's even acknowledged it! — and yeah, while he absolutely appreciates all that Bucky is trying to do, he can't seem to understand that he could never even begin to feel whatever the hell it is that Bucky feels.

Steve could never understand what it's like to see your best friend — who once didn't even weigh 100 lbs, and used to have a new sickness every day — now able to fight baddies with his eyes practically closed.

Steve couldn't ever relate to being protective like Bucky, because he was always protected by Bucky. Steve was always a little kid, but... now he's not. Now he's a grown-up, and Bucky just can't seem to believe it.

But deep down, way down there — somewhere in his heart or soul or whatever — Bucky knows it's all a form of fear. Because he doesn't want to be just another part of Steve's past, he doesn't want to be left in the dust simply because he isn't necessarily important anymore.

And he can't afford that.