neil: i will torture you now
andrew: kinky!
neil: i think you are sweet and beautiful
andrew: wait...
neil: and deserve to be cared for
andrew: no, neil...
neil: your feelings and needs are valid and deserve to be heard
andrew *sobbing*: i need a safe word!
—
—
wymack: look, you stupid bastard. you've got no arms left
kevin: just a flesh wound
—
—
reporter: where is kevin?
nicky: still in the showers. we think he's trying to drown himself
—
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riko: i could kill you if i wanted
neil: yeah? so could another human being
neil: so could a dog
neil: so could a really dedicated duck
neil: you aren't special, riko
—
—
neil: i made everyone a friendship bracelet
andrew: eh, you know i'm not really a jewelry person...
neil: you don't have to wear it —
andrew: no. i'm going to wear it. forever. back off
—
—
broke: you know, i get it
woke: you know, i get it. being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court — yeah, sounds rough. kevin and i talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. i know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and i know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but i don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. so please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.
—
—
neil, to everyone: fight me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
andrew, silently hidden in the shadows: touch him and you die
—
—
andrew: i made tea
neil: i don't like tea
andrew: i didn't make you tea. this is my tea
neil: but why'd you tell me about the tea?
andrew: it's a conversation starter
neil: it's a horrible conversation starter!
andrew: oh is it? we are conversing. checkmate.
—
the foxes: andrew will never agree to this plan
neil: sure he will
nicky: he's already refused us three times
neil: ok watch the master at work
neil, to andrew: can we—
andrew: yes
—
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neil: i am making a documentary about my life. coach, i think you should play the role of my father
wymack: i don't want to be your father
neil: perfect! You already know your lines
—
—
andrew: am i in love with neil josten? of course not
aaron and kevin: i uh... no one asked you that
—
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matt: i mean... small creatures are just more vicious. like way more. i think it's because they have less space to hold their bottled anger
dan: an example being...?
matt: spiders
nicky: terriers
allison: andrew
—
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matt: do you think short people are so mad because they will never be the bigger person?
—
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andrew: I have feelings for you
neil, shocked: you do?
andrew: yes. I feel annoyed
—
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kevin: i want someone to take me out
aaron: like on a date or with a sniper?
kevin: surprise me
—
—
reporter: would you hit neil josten for ten million dollars?
andrew: i would roundhouse kick him in the face for free
—
—
andrew: *sneezes*
matt: aw! andrew sneezes like a girl!
andrew: and how bout i pound you like a boy?!
matt:
the foxes:
andrew: that didn't come out right...
YOU ARE READING
CRUSH [ONE-SHOTS, IMAGINES, & DRABBLES]
Short Storynew and improved; with incorrect quotes, headcannons, and reaction pics, too! - x reader unless specified otherwise! - characters included so far are... - gladers [tmr] - batboys [dc] - regina mills [ouat] - hp x pjo crossover - ben parish [the 5th...