I don't ever want to lose my best friend (Vic Fuentes )

I wish I could do better by you Cuz that's what you deserve

yes its a  Dallas  Green song lyrics  ^.^

Chapter 21

I had walked around for a bit, trying to straighten out my thoughts.  I did like Ashley and  I felt guilty for not  kissing her back, I felt guilty  for using her before just to feel something other then this jealousy. She was  very  pretty, and  funny. Out of everyone  she was the one who was there. The  rest of the guys hated her for some reason and  stayed  on Tammys side.  Didn’t they see what  she  did to Ashley? What she was doing to me? Why did I feel like the bad guy?.  Ugh! Girls always did that.  I felt so much anger towards Tam. Never in our friendship have I felt this way.   We  never fought.  

Tammy  was falling back into her  old habits of drinking, only  this time she was picking fights, not working, she never slept on the bus anymore and she was with him.  Danny.  Nothing would satisfy me more then punching him in the face.  This was his fault. For her  drinking, all this. Worst of all, he made her  happy. 

I was  walking to the bus now,  I knew the guys wouldn’t be there.  They had an interview. Mike txted me asking to come but I told him I needed to be alone. 

My chest was heavy and my eyes hurt. 

Having this prep talk with myself didn’t do me much good.  Everything just  replayed in my mind and I was more confused then ever.

I had reached the bus and  just wanted to sleep. Dragging my self on and  locking the door  behind me so I wouldn’t get any  surprise visitors  since only the guys and our  driver had the  key. 

I went to the bunk area and  took off my shirt and  pants. Standing there in my boxers looking down at my bed.

there she was curled up in my  bunk.  Her skin looked very  pale and I could see the bags under her eyes.  Despite everything she looked peaceful. I had  seen my best friend sleep many times but right now she  looked  so fragile so small.  Beautiful.

Sliding into the  bunk I put a  pillow against the wall so I could sit up a bit.  Pulling  Tammy  into my arms and  letting her head rest on my chest. I hugged her tightly.

Tears swelled my eyes when I noticed scratched on her wrist. She  cut herself. 

Guilt built up inside. I felt terrible for being angry at her.  I was  suppose to protect her  and yet  I knew  she did it because of me.

I kissed her  forhead and  layed my chin on her  head  lighly touching her scraps on her  knuckles.  I knew they were from before.

“Vic, don’t be upset with me”  she  mumbled, I knew she was half asleep.

“sshh, Im not”  speaking softly  to her. I didn’t want to wake her  up fully.  

“Your heart is pounding, and  your making my  forehead wet”   slowly she  lifted her head to look at me. 

I quickly rubbed my  eyes. Not noticing I was crying.

“I cant  protect you anymore.”  blinking in surprise, of what I just said. Tammy looked shocked too.

“What?”

“I cant be here anymore for you. You have  Danny and  I have Ashely.”

She nodded  knowing what I meant.  Weight lifted from My shoulders. I guess I realised I did  like Ashley. That I wasn’t the one to catch Tam when she fell.  I was the  friend, always the friend.  I had to just let her go now.

“Can we have a sleep over?”  I couldn’t  help but smile at her.  Nodding  I slide  down so I was lying on my  back now. She didn’t  move beside me, just laid back down on my chest. Slowly  I stroked her  hair.

“I love your voice”  I whispered  feeling her smile against  my skin.

“Im sorry Vic” 

I didn’t  say anything, I knew what she meant. 

She was sorry for singing with  Danny, for making me hurt  inside, to worry about her, for cutting and drinking.  She was  letting me  go.