I don't ever want to lose my best friend (Vic Fuentes )

one hundred sleepless nights

 TAM PoV

Vic came closer, there was no space  between us. My body trebled, he made  me nervous. He did things to me that  I had never felt before. I hated it  but loved it at the same time.

Raising his hand, he cupped my face pulling me in closer.  I closed my eyes feeling his warm breath on my lips.  When they met, I felt a spark. It ran through my body, I know he felt it too. We both stopped for a moment, letting the  kiss linger.  He wrapped his arm around my  waist pulling me in tighter and started to deepen the kiss. I knew it was wrong, I was only hurting him. But I wanted him, I wanted every part of him.  It was killing me. My hands  found their way to his chest, feeling his hard  muscle. And his heart that pounded underneath.  It  took everything inside me not to tear  his shirt off, to feel his hot skin pressed again mine.  I hated myself.  He didn’t deserve me. I was an awful person. I couldn’t let this go any further. 

“Vic, no” I pulled my  lips apart from his.  But not moving out of his grasp.

His eyes searching mine for answers.  The  ones I didn’t want to give.  He was so vulnerable so fragile.  He had just confessed his feelings for me, but then so did Danny.  My mind was in over drive,  mainly from the kiss but I was now stuck between two guys. 

“Vic..”  I started but  couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

My heart was breaking with every minute that went by with words unsaid. My eyes were  filling with tears. This was it, I was going to  kill him. I was  killing us both. But I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t just let him back in. especially when Danny had never done anything wrong to me.

“Danny,  Danny  loves me”  I choked.  No longer  able to look in his eyes , I couldn’t face the  pain. I hung my head, hiding my own.  I felt his body go limb, Vic's hands slowly slide of me and down to his sides.  I sobbed silently. 

“Im sorry Vic, he said it today and..”   I didn’t say anything., why couldn’t  I just  tell him.?!

“Do you?”  speaking with no emotion at all.

No, I don’t  . I don’t love him.

My head was screaming this, but words weren’t coming through my mouth. 

“Do you?” he asked again, this time more pain showed in his voice. 

“I don’t know”   I was ripping my own heart out.  

He took both my hands in his and slid them off of him. Tear marks ran  down his perfect face, I hated seeing my best friend in pain.  It twisted my insides and shot a  pain through my chest. 

He just turned and walked away from me without a single word, now I knew how it felt. 

The wind blew and sent my body into shivers. It was cold.  Cold without him. I was alone, alone in this world. Silent  sobs escaped my mouth, I had no more tears left to cry.  My body was weak, numb. Yet I somehow had the strength to move inside. My legs carrying me to my room, to my bed.  Staring at the  black ceiling above.

Tammy you are so stupid,  why cant you do anything right. Why did  Danny have to tell me he  loved me,  do I even love him? Do I love Vic? 

I over played everything,  my whole  life was  playing before me.  It made so much sense thinking about mine and  vic's relationship. Why we were so close, why he  brought me so much happiness.  But it was the little things that killed me.  He was  quick to tell that  fan I was  his friend and only his friend, he was quick to jump into a relationship and believe her over me.  Who says he wouldn’t  do it again?   He was  drunk, I was drunk.  This was just us being stupid.