I don't ever want to lose my best friend (Vic Fuentes )

Dear Insanity

Tam POV

I had to leave, I had to go. Before I really did  something stupid.  My  mind  had snapped on me and I felt no sense  of control.  This was my break down.

Finally I reached the first aid  center, the paramedic l looked at me funny when I  sat  down  gripping on to the bloody  PTV shirt that was wrapped around my hand.

“I cut myself with an exacto knife” I smiled. She just shook her head and  carried on cleaning and bandaging it up.

Heading back to the tent  slightly  more calm now, I knew I had to apologize to cas. She didnt deserve  my bitching. I felt bad that she actually  stood there and took it from me, understanding that i was going mental.

“Tam, Tam wait up!”  the British voice  shot through my skull. Causing butterflies in my stomach to turn aggressive. Wanting to tare a hole through my abdomen 

“Tammy, please stop!” he called again.  Taking a  deep breath I came to a stop and turned to face those bright blue eyes.

“Babe, im sorry. I don’t  know what else to say but im deeply sorry for last night. I didnt mean to fight with Vic. Please forgive me baby. Please”  he said everything so quickly, I could barley paying attention.  My eyes were trapped, my mind still running on over drive.  I couldn’t pull myself away from his  pleading blue orbs that pierced thorough me.  That  hole in my stomach was growing, those butterflies didn’t want to be in there anymore.  I felt guilty. Not just because he was standing in front of me  begging for my forgiveness and I wasnt  replying, but for how i truly  felt and how i was a murderer.  This was it. I had enough, this couldn't go on any longer.. I know i was being rash but I couldn't deal with anymore stress.

“Tam, baby? Do you hate me now?” Danny placed his hands on my  shoulders and bent down to be eye level with me, to check if i was still on this planet.

“babe?”  He was getting scared by my silence.

“Danny, I don’t think I can do this?”  my voice was stern but my sentence came out in a question as it  shot out of my mouth.

“Was that a question?” he looked taken back.  I didn’t mean for it to come out that way but I was a shocked as he was. Maybe i would regret this later.

“I don’t know,  im sorry I just... I cant do this, I cant do warped anymore”  

“Tam, no. Your just over reacting. Take a  break , go relax for a bit. Think about what your doing”  his voice  pleading once again.

“No Danny, im dead serious. I cant do this. Im really sorry”    expecting tears to start making there self known down but cheeks. But nothing was coming.

“I really like you, but I know I can never give you  what you need. Thank you for being there for me. Your a really great guy Dan”   his blue eyes began to get glossy. Placing his face between my hands  I  leaned up to kiss him one last time. 

“I know, some how I knew this would end. Your too  perfect for me Tam.”  I felt guilty, I didn't want to end things with him but i could never  love Danny. I couldn't love anyone.

“ Danny”  His name  came out in a stutter as he  crashed me against him.   His  grip on me had changed,  It felt as if he knew i was being taken. The final moments before we would let go he held on tightly as  if  i was slipping away and he didnt want to let me go.

I  was a murderer, i broke hearts.

“Ill still be here for you. I promise. I love you”   I had never heard him cry and it  broke my heart to make him hurt this way.  Though it was better, he would get  over it. Move on and love another.  In the long run, if i had kept this going i would of cause alot more damage , no one would be happy in the end.

Danny  let me go and  kissed my cheek one last time  before  walking off.

“Tamm!” he called.  I turned around to see him in the distance. “Tell him the truth” 

I smiled to myself and walked away.

 As  I got closer to the tent I noticed Tony and Mike standing  in the back engaged in a conversation while Jaime frantically autographed every object that was flung to him by  screaming fans. It wasn’t  until my searching eyes landed on the boy who always made me  feel like I had just ran a marathon.

He couldn’t be here right now.  

Taking a deep breath I carried on. 

“Hows the hand?” Jaime asked  coming over to take a break from having screaming girls in his face. His body was tense when he asked. Afraid  of  me snapping again, little did he know I had. My mind was a whirl pool of emotion and came here for one purpose only.

To see them one last time.

“its good, they bandaged me up better then the shirt” I smiled.   Vic was  beside  Jaime staring at me. His eyes were burning a whole in the side of my face. I had a mouthful of things to say to him but he  fully made me forget every word I knew in the English dictionary. I couldnt look at him, I wasnt suppose to see him be i left. It mad everything that much worst.

Ignoring Vic's stares and Jaime weirded out  reaction to my  bi poler mood swing, I went over to apologize to Cass.

“Im sorry for yelling at you “ I said as  I pulled her into a hug.

“Its okay Hun, I understand”   we  let go and Cass looked me in the eyes giving me a concerned look. She knew something was up, but be for she could ask we were interrupted by a  giant group hug.

“Guys, !!!” we  yelled at the same time  loosing our balance.

One by one they let us go. All of us laughing.

“We have to go perform now,  Jaime suggested  we go to the pub after. You two down?” Mike ask still leaving his arm around Cas.  All the guys had  pleading puppy dog  eyes. I was going to miss this.

“Yeah sure, well be there”  giving them a reassuring smile but deep down I cringed knowing it was a lie.

“Awesome, see you two after the show” with that they  jogged off to main stage.

“Spill it Tam!”  Cass demanded, turning back to face me with her hands on her hips. I sighed.

“I left  Danny and I came to say goodbye”   her  face was blank but a small sad smile began to make its way across her  lips.  Cas went to open her  mouth but our attention was drawn  to the high pitch scream that was closing in on us.

I didn’t have time to take in a breath or  process the scene that was playing out before me as Cass knocked me backwards as she  released her fist.

Coming into impact with a face.