Selenophile // Marauders

|109| The Funeral

Riley returned home after hours of crying her eyes out in the forest she couldn't recognize.

It was hard to apparate, she was weak. She apparated near the end of the street, away from any place the muggles could spot her. She then walked slowly to the house she dreaded to go to.

She slowly opened the door of the house. It was silent, empty. No sign of movement or life. It didn't feel right, nothing did.

Riley decided to go upstairs and avoid the reminders of the past hours downstairs. Obviously, she couldn't forget what had happened, but she needed to have control over her actions and emotions.

She slowly walked to the room at the end of the hallway, it was a larger white door, slightly open.

The light was still turned on.

She stepped in the room, seeing the empty bed of her mother. Instead of going further, she turned the light switch off, locking the door right behind her.

***

5th of July, 1978

The funeral was going to be taking place on the fifth of July.

Riley hadn't been sleeping for two days nearly, she didn't answer calls from anybody, didn't let anyone visit or talk to her, not even the neighbors.

She wore black pants and a simple black shirt, nothing fancy. The funeral wasn't much either, just some chairs bundled up in a grassy area in front of a lectern and coffin. There were also flowers, lots of them. Many were brought by people attending the funeral.

Penny and Ethan had arrived along with their parents, and also their cousin, Will Dalton. He was standing a bit far away from everyone else. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Lily, Marlene, and Mary were also there.

Mary was crying, hugging Riley more than Riley wanted her to. Riley had never seen Marlene look so serious before. Peter was giving sad smiles to Riley, she could see how much he was trying to help. Remus was being himself, being kind and comforting.

Penny was more shocked than emotional. She didn't know why Madelyn Spade had died, no muggle knew. Ethan clearly didn't know what to say or do, he just stood there and handed her flowers.

There were many others gathered from Madelyn's friend group. Riley recognized most of them, there was even a teacher she recognized from school. Even the cashier from the grocery was there.

"I'll miss her long lectures about justice," said a woman whom Riley barely recognized.

"I'll never get to thank her for helping me escape that wretched place," said a woman. Riley knew who she was, she was Arwen Fernsby. Madelyn Spade had helped her a lot with a certain case, she had saved her life.

Riley saw Remus walking towards her nervously. She thought of walking away, then realized it was too late to do so.

"Are you all right?" asked Remus whisperingly. Riley nodded. "It's sad out here, you don't have to hide it."

Riley slowly looked up, then let out a short breath. "I feel terrible."

"Riley — you're so strong," said Remus encouragingly. He held Riley's shoulders. "No one is expecting you to look fine—"

"I'm — I'm tired of this..." cried Riley. "I'm sick of everything! Look at me, I'm the last one left in this family, the whole fucking family! Not a single person I'm related to is left, I have no family anymore! And I'm so tired of seeing all of them go one by one in just a matter of seconds. I don't want to attend any more funerals of them."

Riley took a breath, then sniffed. She then look at Remus who was also about to cry.

"Remus," she said. "I've seen mum give a speech about dad, then her giving a speech about Ivy — and now she's dead and she's seen all the others go too? Aunt, dead. Grandparents, dead. Sister, dead. Dad, dead. Mum, also dead. Am I next? Because I don't want to live like this anymore, I don't have any hope left in this world, I just want some peace and love but look at me today!"

She took a deep breath, then felt Remus pull her in a tight hug. She cried on his shoulder, muttering words as he held him tighter.

***

Then came the time Riley dreaded the most: speech. She had watched her mum talk about Eric Spade at his funeral, then her mum speak at Ivy Spade's funeral. She never spoke at any of them, and this funeral didn't feel any different.

All the eyes were on her now, Riley stood up and walked to the lectern and stood there for a second, clearing her throat awkwardly.

"Er — I just want to thank you all for coming here," she started a little too quietly. She looked at Penny who was now trying to tell her to speak a bit louder. Riley would normally just ignore her and roll her eyes, but that day wasn't the time.

"It's hard to fit everything about mum in just a few minutes," she said louder. "Actually, I'm never good at doing anything rather meaningful or sentimental, and that doesn't make it any easier."

There was a small chatter, some smiled.

"I don't have anything prepared, I couldn't bring myself to write anything about her without my heart being torn apart each second. Because she didn't deserve this end, none of them did, and it really does hurt to think about how things could've been."

"Madelyn Spade," she said. "A truly amazing person. Strongest person I ever knew. Brave, smart, witty, caring... I can't even describe how much I loved her. She was always the one person you could turn up to to say something rather stupid and she'd still have a way to both joke and improve it."

"Without her, I would've been a bigger wreck than I already am right now. I've never seen someone as tolerant as her, she respected people, she taught us to respect others. But it just seems that people didn't respect her." She paused, remembering the muggles sitting there.

"I wish she was here right now. I wish I could've spent more time with her, because this wasn't enough." She swallowed, she tried to make the tears go away, tried to make her voice stronger. But she couldn't. "I just wanted her to see me grow up, just wanted her to be here with me. I would honestly give everything to see her smile one last time."

"Eighteen years wasn't enough. But I know it wouldn't have been enough if we had a hundred years to spend together. I'll miss her. Miss her smile, miss her scolding me, miss her hugging me..."

Riley stopped, she didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to express the pain, she didn't know how much longer she could stand in front of all these people and speak.

She hated to be seen as weak, but she surely was right now.

———

A/N:

Am I crying? Yes. Am I excited for the rest of the book? So fucking much.