This Can't Be The End

Chapter 32

We leave a quarter to one, and I remember that aunt Lilly is due to be back tomorrow, around two.

Ryver had been acting strange since I had come back, making me wonder if he knew.

But how?

I'm sure I'm only overreacting, but none of that eases the worry that's settled on me like a dark cloud.

I also feel disgusting, his hands. They were all over me, and reminded me of a time I was helpless, defeated and at a man's mercy because he's all I had.

I know once Ryver leaves I'll break, lose control over my body and emotions, but with Ryver here at the moment, he feels like the anchor holding all of me together, and he doesn't even realize it.

He's the only reason I'm in some ways still sane.

I feel horrible for keeping so much of myself from him, but really I'm not ready, I'm not ready to open that can of worms, that might possibly demolish our relationship whole.

God, I hate myself.

I focus my attention back on Ryevr who is currently focusing on the road, though his posture is tense.

"Are you okay?" I ask, feeling nerves easing in.

"I'm fine," he gives me a small smile that should be reassuring but I can tell that it's fake.

I don't know how to keep the conversation going so all I do is give him a simple nod, hoping he'll come to me and tell me what's wrong himself, and if he doesn't I'll keep checking upon him, because that's all I really can do.

All I hope for is that it isn't serious and that I didn't do anything, I wouldn't be shocked if I did.

Because in the end, it is always me who ruins everything...