This Can't Be The End

Chapter 39

Leaves lay scattered in all directions, from the chilly winter air, white surrounds me and Ryver, on every corner, mainly from the snow that has now taken place among the skyscraper sized trees, and the concrete dotted like puzzle pieces lay beneath our feet is the same, it's a gorgeous sight.

Amongst the chaos and buzz of the city, that rain around us, I find the best thing is the warm feeling of Ryver's large hand, laced with mine.

It's bliss, today Ryver and I had decided to take a walk in the downtown of the city, it was mainly my idea that I had brought to his attention a few days before, and he agreed, it was surprising.

Maybe not so surprising considering it's Ryver, but it was nice to have someone to do things with.

Cleo had said I'm a lucky bitch, and should stop my complaining. I knew she wanted the best for me.

At times it was difficult to decipher between genuine and fake, because even now trust was still difficult to give.

"Do you come here often?" Ryver asks, as we settle on a bench that faces the park, kids play on the playground that is off to the right, parents sitting close by keeping an eye on them.

Makes me miss my mother, the days that were simple, fun, when life had thrown bricks on my normalcy and forced me to adapt to a new me, one to many times.

"Not anymore, no," I say casually while staring at the lid of a paper travel mug, that is still steaming hot, in the cup is a vanilla latte, from a cafe close by, my fingers are firm on the bumpy material of the sleeve that is over it, to keep my fingers sane, from the flaming heat of what is inside.

"Why not?"

"I-I used to come here with someone, though on the other side," I say, trying not to let my voice waver off the center of calm, there is another park, on a completely different side from here, where I would go to often.

It was me and Parker's place before the dynamic of our relationship had taken a sharp turn, and the park wasn't a place for us anymore.

"A boyfriend?" Ryver asks casually, then adds, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

"Yeah with a boyfriend, we don't talk anymore," I say not wanting to elaborate further. "What?"

"Just out of curiosity, was he your only ex? You know all of mine,"

I freeze mentally if that even is realistic.

But I wonder how I can answer that?

I don't consider the men I slept with after Parker exs, they were only people to prove my body wasn't his.

That it can be worshipped, and fucked by whoever I wanted.

I wanted to have sex on my terms, and my decision.

So I answer with what I consider is the truth.

"Two one who made me really happy but nothing close to love, and the other, it was just really complicated," I say, without mentioning names. "The second one was who hurt me most I guess, we didn't have many good moments,"

There are two exes, speaking literally.

Kai was my first boyfriend when we were about fourteen, we lasted two months, and truth is, it was a happy time, things were simple, I had parents, and love, I wasn't sad and confused.

We were two fumbling teens who knew nothing but that they liked each other enough to be dating.

It ended after we both got bored, but he did make me happy, but that could be because there was nothing serious about us.