This Can't Be The End

Chapter 43

R y v e r s    P O V

This is a dumb idea is what I am sure of.

Ensleey is hanging out with Cleo or at least that is what she told me.

I try not to allow the bitter thoughts to take a deep root in my head.

I have no idea what possessed me to get in my car and drive to my brother's apartment willingly, without someone forcing me.

But here I am.

I know that as I approach the door, I'm also doing this for my own selfish reason.

A part of me needs to know more about Ensleey, and if I have fallen in love with a stranger.

Is it wrong?

Jake is the only person I can successfully find answers from, but there is also a strong loyalty there, for Ensleey.

I try to allow my thoughts to settle before I ring the doorbell to my brother's apartment.

I don't expect the image that greets me when the door swings open.

Jacob is clearly drunk, his eyes red-rimmed, his face sunken.

The sad look on his face only adds to my worry.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asks.

"Wanted to talk to you but I don't think it's a good idea now," I say, still entering his home, even if we aren't close anymore I'm still going to make sure he doesn't kill himself.

"Then leave," Jake tells me, but I don't. Instead, I walk over to his couch and take a seat.

Jacob looks at me with an angry look, before deciding not to fight me, and sits on the other couch, he grabs the bottle and takes a large pull.

"Can I have a beer?" I blurt, not knowing how to have a conversation with him. I'm sure he has beer here, and I need to occupy myself with something if I'm just going to get drunk, just enough to allow me to do something.

"Don't think you're a little young for that?"

He didn't seem surprised when Ensleey was drinking, but seemed much more hesitant with me.

"I've had beer before," I say, this whole thing has gotten awkward.

He shrugs, I take it as a yes, and go to the kitchen and take one out of the beers from his fridge.

I drink my beer in silence, okay so this isn't helping.

"You want some?" He asks, I focus my attention on him and notice that the bottle is now half gone.

I shouldn't take it, and drink with him. He wouldn't say this sober.

I take the bottle out of his grasp without thinking and take a few large sips after each other. The burn of the liquor hitting my system isn't a usual occurrence for me with football, I don't drink often, really ever.

I finish my beer and take a few more sips of the liquor when a very drunk Jake offers it to me.

It isn't long before I am a bit tipsy, no longer having the clearest mindset.

One good thing about it is that I no longer feel like the atmosphere is thick with tension.

We actually talk, though I'm not even sure about what.

"I want to go and get a tattoo," I slur, getting off the couch, suddenly remembering the tattoo shop that I'd seen with Ensleey and Jake the other day.

"You want a tattoo?" Jake laughs at me.

"Yes, like right now," I say.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Okay," Jake says and nods with a fit of laughter.

"Are you coming?"

"I don't know,"

"Yeah, yeah you are," I said tugging at his arm, "I can't talk to the tattoo guy myself."

"What tattoo guy?"

"Tattoo guy who does tattoos let's go!"

He nods and stumbles with me to the door.

"How are we going to get there," I whisper.

I'm not that drunk, so maybe I should drive?

No!

But yes.

"Subway," Jake says.

"No, we can't have Subway right now."

"No dumbass the subway," Jake says looking at me funny.

I Nod and we take the subway downtown.

We made it there in ten minutes, maybe more but how am I supposed to know?

I'm now only slightly buzzed and am thinking clearer than I was before.

I'm still going to do it, even if I know that this is possibly the dumbest idea I've ever had. I will blame it on the alcohol when morning comes.

Jake is still full blown drunk, he drank most of the bottle himself anyway.

"Where are we going?"

Jake asks me as he walks alongside me following without question, I'm sure he wouldn't if he was sober, though it still manages to remind me of simpler days, when Jake would take me for ice cream, and I would be the one to ask where we are going.

I don't respond, we are almost there anyway.

The sign shines brighter than the last time we were here.

I know I could have gone to one closer by, but this specific place is what led me to this crazy thought, and that is why we are now walking towards "M's tattoos"

When we neared the door, I half expected it to be closed and I could run home and pretend this never happened, but it's open even with the time nearing ten o'clock.

I open the door and the chime of the bell can be heard straight away, Jake still stumbling behind me.

We walk into a small shop that has a few framed artwork hanging on the wall that is to the far end, from the drawing I can tell that whoever had made them, was a good artist.

It eased the worry that had settled in when the effect of the alcohol fully vanished.

I'm sober but still going to blame it on the alcohol, I'm here now so maybe my earlier thoughts were right, and that is a sign.

A man who has several tattoos lining his arm, comes and greets us, and says his name is Morty.

When we're in the back far away from Jake.

Morty asks about the size of the tattoo, with that said he assured me he can get this done quickly, after seeing my id of course.

"So what is it exactly you want?"

I tell him, and I know this is a horrible idea.

What good will this do?

It could potentially be the biggest mistake I've ever made.

But I don't stop him when he prepares the needle and everything else.

No going back now.

~~~~~~~~

A u t h o r s    N o t e

Thank you so much for reading! Means so much to me.

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R.E