This Can't Be The End

Chapter 60

E n s l e e y s P O V

My head is spinning, everything hurts, everything looks like it's going in circles.

I'm numb, though words never fail to be stuck on a loop in my head.

I give up, I think that's what happens.

Fucking whore.

That's what I am.

I remember the time when a man's hand was touching me, and his words even in my blacked-out state of mind, still ring some days.

"You look like a fucking whore, just looking for someone to look at that tight ass."

At the time, I didn't mind his words, I had thought that I would rather be a whore, than someone's property.

Though both are just as bad. So maybe this is what had finally sealed my faith.

I can't walk back into school, not in the obvious way the entire school would have their eyes glued onto me.

I'm a burden to my friends. My aunt... I only give her trouble.

I walk up the stairs, falling a few times, my hands holding the banister, I can't break my leg now.

The boy I gave my heart, thinks I'm a whore too. He probably was happy to have proof of that.

Everything was slowly crumbling, I was too weak to stop it, is that so bad though?

So instead of caring, I let my thoughts take the wheel.

I usually put in work to keep myself afloat, I don't see the point of that anymore.

Im not as stupid as last time.

Nothing can ruin this for me.

My feet drag along the hardwood floor, I should savour the last moments that I will stand on two feet.

I don't, I need this to be done as soon as possible.

I grab the bottle of vodka I have under my bed, one of my hiding spots, and go to the bathroom.

See? I'm doing this right.

My face is blotchy from the tears, my eyes aren't bright.

Proof that I am already gone inside.

Now I just need the rest of me to be gone too...

~*~*~*~

One thing I learned from my days of being a druggie, is that even if you think you're quitting you should always still have a stash.

Sadly I had used all of mine, so antidepressants should do.

I laugh, what better way to die?

I have had almost all of the vodka, so maybe it's why I feel so happy.

Everything feels right, final.

Im fucking dying.

I look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror one more time.

Maybe I should have done this somewhere less cliche?

My room would have been better, I'm too impatient, so I hurry and open the bottle of pills with shaking hands.

----

Im trying to be consistent with this, not going well so far.

But I have finished writing the novel and there aren't many chapters left when I get to editing them!

Thank you for reading!!

- R.E.