This Can't Be The End

Chapter 10

~~R y v e r s   P O V~~

Ensleey.

Why do I all of sudden keep thinking about her, she just pushed me away again.

Again.

I almost lost my shit with her when I saw those marks on her wrists. She had subtle scars on her wrist, that I have a strong feeling she did herself, they don't look new or you would be able to see them more.

Does she hurt herself?

I've noticed her a few times over the past three years we've been attending school together.

I remember seeing her once in tenth grade, seemingly as ghost, pale, lifeless. As if she had nothing, not a ounce of energy to give into functioning, I should've gone up to her that day, being a coward I didn't.

Or there was a time in eleventh grade I almost had the courage to go up to her, then she disappeared from school for about two weeks.

I still wonder where she was.

There aren't enough words to show how grateful I was that day I sat next to her in chemistry class.

I'm not going to let her push me away. I have never had the urge to protect someone with everything I have, I have a feeling she's worth it.

Right now I'm checking google on everything that has to do with depression and anxiety.

If there's anything I can do, I will.

I'm such a creep. She won't know. So I guess what's the damage.

I go down to the kitchen to grab a snack to see someone. You could say someone I despise, my older brother Jacob.

"Why are you here?" I ask as soon as I see him drinking water in the kitchen sitting on the stool focused on his phone screen. He's never here he's always at his apartment, or anywhere but here.

"You have a problem?" He asks, his tone as rude as ever not bothering to look up from the screen of his phone.

"We both know you don't come here unless you need something." I say looking in the cabinets, for a snack.

"I'm glad to know you want me here." 

Me and Jacob were close, a long time ago two years ago, when he came here high and drunk, barely able to stand on his own two feet. He started throwing things in his room. Lots of things changed that night.

My parents kicked him out that day, nevertheless bought him an apartment. He began hanging out with other people and barely talked to me, and after the accident with Rachel he changed even more, for some reason Rachel had dumped him after she got out of the hospital, which I doubt I will ever know what really happened. 

He didn't bother coming here at all, after he got his apartment.

He comes back once and awhile, mainly so our parents know he's alive. His appearance has also changed a lot he has many tattoos and a lip ring. Nothing about him is the same of the guy who would play video games, or football with his younger brother.

"The laundry machine isn't working at my place." He says casually smiling at his phone then putting it down, from the look on his face it's probably one of one of his flings.

I might have had a few one night stands, but nothing compares to Jake.

His phone goes off with at at least ten texts back and back, he chuckles as if it's the funniest thing ever, then mutes his phone.

"Let me guess the person texting you is a girl you plan on sleeping with."

Jake looks at me seeming pissed and maybe even hurt. I had to speak. I can see that the interaction is very big mistake.

"No, but if you're jealous I can find some chick to fuck you."

"That's all you care about?" I say, I try not to let his words get to me, it's hard to try to ignore when I have so much hatred toward the guy sitting next to me.

"Let's not start this now." My brother gives me a pointed look.

Yes of course me start it, for once I think I should own up and say shit, and he makes it seem like I'm the guilty one. I roll my eyes and close the cabinet I can't find anything.

So, I go back to my room not bothering to try and converse with my brother again. It's clear he doesn't need me anymore.

*~*~*~*~*

The next day, when I walk into class I'm interested to see Ensleey's mood today, I walk into chem and take a seat next to her, she's here. But I have a feeling her mind isn't. 

She might not want anything to do with me. But maybe I'll convince her to at least be friends.

She's looking at her phone and doesn't notice when I take a seat, I watch.

Once again acting like a creep. At least I'm aware.

I wouldn't be doing this if she could talk to me, I know it's probably difficult, I have no idea what she's gone through, though I can tell she has trust issue. Her wavy hair is tucked behind her ear, one piece isn't, I have the urge to tuck it for her.

No, that would probably push her away further.

Something I can tell easily from the moment I met her she's pretty, beautiful. I don't normally think these sort of thing, but Ensleey's an exception. I can see the dark circles under her eyes, when was last time she had a good night's rest?

"Done staring?" She questions looking up from her phone, I a cant't seem to decipher any emotion that is locked behind her chocolate eyes.

"Nope." I say with a smirk. I notice the faint blush. I love the effect I have on her.

She ignores me through the rest of class.

Sooner or later she's going to trust me, and stop trying to push me away.

I just hope it's sooner than later.

Even if it's later I will wait. I have time.