This Can't Be The End

Chapter 46

My feet carry on, on their own accord throughout the house I used to have a perfect image of in my mind. Today seems to only be a spark of a past that I wish was long forgotten.

The noise was as expected, this place always had parties going on, or at least groups of people who are chasing their next high.

Seeing the lines of coke on the table, only brings a shiver up my spine, at the reminder I was once one of these people.

I am aware of where to go, as I have been here before, and I find my way up the steps to the second floor where I will likely come across the person I am looking for.

All I have to hope is it's not a trap.

Once again reminded of the pictures I have or at least copies.

A part of me knows it's wrong to keep them, but in a way, it feels good to know I at least got a hold of three.

The memory of seeing the photograph of me, passed out my naked body spread wide, everything on display, is too alive to have been something that occurred a year ago.

The only answer I had received from the boy I was still helplessly in love with at the time?

"It was easy cash, we need it,"

The need for more drugs is what he meant, it was in the days i was going through withdrawals and my mistakes and choices I had made had finally begun to settle in.

The shame and regret as I had started at my messy brown hair, eyes that had aged looking lifeless and helpless, I wanted my fix so bad that day, just enough to numb the headache that was hell.

I didn't, being sober led to clarity, clarity of how much I had lost and that I couldn't no matter how difficult the task was, not to touch a single pill, powder, or whatever the fuck else my hands could get a hold of.

Those moments that I had planned to leave behind for good, are coming back, just when my life had started to hold a purpose and normalcy again.

I have friends, a good home, am healthy, and most importantly a boyfriend I love.

That could all go to shit if the string of yarn from my past that I thought was curled up in a ball, in an empty corner left alone to rot, is coming back to shadow my life in its gloom.

Already things have begun to unravel with Parker being out of jail, I guess his dad's lawyer did it again, David's unwanted presence, and now Jeff and pictures that are from hell knows where.

Maybe the yarn is not stored away completely as I assumed and is just unravelling slowly until it completely stops in the present light of my life.

I am aware that if the whole thing does unravel it will once again leave me a quiet mess just as I used to be.

*~*~*~*

I eventually get to the narrow hallway that will lead to the small upstairs living room.

Why does a house need two living rooms is what I will never understand.

In there I saw exactly what I knew I would, a small black couch to the wall, a tv facing it, and too many people gathered around.

The smell is inane, an array of drugs and alcohol.

I see a girl and a guy in one corner, their clearly dry humping the guy's hand in her shirt.

I briefly think to myself if this girl is enjoying it or doing what she had to.

Just like I used to do.

I look around the living room until I see Jeff, who is on the couch with a solo cup in his hand.

His ashy brown hair is a mess on his head, his face sullen, and his eyes are just like every other human being who falls down the path, bloodshot, no sense of sparkle to look back on you.

Only the face of someone who doesn't remember anyone before addiction became the main focus.

Jeff wasn't always like this, like anyone who is stuck in a war of another hit, he one time told me that he used to get good grades and even good chances of getting into a great college.

But all that went to shit when he made good friends with one of the popular kids in his school, when he went to sell something he followed along hoping to fit in and when he told him to drink?

He had two choices: be lonely or fit in.

He chose the latter and now here he is, a mess, and only an outline of the boy he once was, with no real friends.

The heartbreaking reality is that most of the time the ones that are most addicted stem from an even sadder background.

Yes Jeff managed to get into a college, but it will never be the one he could've been at.

When he notices me a smirk appears on his face, he walks toward me from the sea of people that surround him.

"You showed up," He says.

Of course, I did dumbass. I don't need a repeat of last time.

"Come with me," He says before I can say anything.

I followed but not too close enough so he could touch me, afraid that he might attempt to pull my arm or maybe even hit me.

Not that Jeff has ever had, he always sought my constant even when the nights where we were both extremely shit faced, but now I am starting to wonder if he is worse of a person than I had previously suspected.

We make it to one of the many rooms that i know isn't his, his hand is on the knob not turning it, to open it only resting, which only adds to my racing thoughts.

"You comin'?"

"Open the door first," I say worried of what could greet me on the other side.

He rolls his eyes but opens it anyway, he doesn't walk in waiting for me to go in first, I don't.

That would be a bad idea is what I am most certain of.

He walks in first after a minute, "Your just making my job harder,"

Job?

I walk in, "the door stays open,"

I hope that there is still a bit of sanity in him.

He walks backwards. I watch him not knowing what the hell to do.

"I'm sorry, I-i have to," he says and for the first time since I met him, I see something in his eyes.

Regret.

"I-i need it so bad E-Ens, I-I'm sorry,"

Before I can think through his words he's out the door, and I hear a click.

A click that sounds just like a lock.

Panic takes over.

I rush to the door in a frenzy, even before I reach it I know I'm screwed, but that doesn't stop me, I try.

It's locked as expected.

At that insistence of time, it dawns on me quite heavily on what I had just walked into.

I still have no idea why I'm locked in here, but whatever it is.

I can feel it will break another piece of.

I just have to hold onto the hope it will break a small piece, I don't think I can take any more pieces of my heart falling away.

~~~~~~~~

A u t h o r s    N o t e

Thank you so much for reading!

Sorry for the delay in chapters, though I will be attempting to post more regularly now.

Hope you're enjoying this story.

Does anyone have any thoughts on what happens next?

-R.E