This Can't Be The End

Chapter 53

E  n  s  l  e  e  y ' s    P  O  V

Things had been better, and last night was supposed to be a good night. Three days ago I broke down after I found one of my mom's old necklaces.

All I could think is that she wouldn't have been proud, or happy, I could almost imagine the look of disapproval she would give me. Would she even have looked at me the same again?

So I dialled the one person who understands these struggles.

He was surprised, but as always caring, when he came over hugging me to him, and telling me I can get through this all I wanted was to scream and lash out at him, instead I hugged him back.

Colby, is someone I met at one of those support groups for addicts, we bonded over the similarities in our problems, and he told me he was only there because the man he loved would leave him if he didn't go.

When said man walked away from him, and he was about ready to go back spiralling, I was there trying to hold him up, I understood his pain and he understood mine.

When I had told him what triggered it all, he was telling me that he wanted to send Ryver to the hospital, we both know damn well that guy couldn't hurt a fly, there once was an ant I wanted to stomp on, and he went into a full story of the ants family.

Last night I was at his apartment, and we were playing an intense game of Wii sports which is why he told Ryver I was busy not even thinking it through.

Now I'm skipping class, and sitting in my car, taking two pills, just to get me through the day.

After that, I decide I'm already late, so why shouldn't I make sure that I don't look as dead as I feel?

When Im about to leave the toilet stall Im in, I hear Kiara's familiar voice, so I make the stupid decision to stay in the stall hidden, to see what and whoever's with her are going to say.

I don't even want to see the sneer she always gives me, and right now I'm not in the mood to act indifferent.

"Yeah he was great," I push from the headphones I was going to put in my ears, to listen to music until they are done whatever the hell they're doing.

"He said that I was amazing and hot," she giggles, "I think I'm going to see Ryver again tonight, he wants more, I mean how could he not?"

He wasn't kidding.

"Im going to fuck her, and Im going to enjoy more than I ever did with you."

I assumed that the last of his words were a lie, but of course, they weren't. He thinks I betrayed his trust. It's easier with admitting that I let a man use me for years though.

"Good thing, he finally realized what a bitch that girl was," one of the girls says.

"Right? I can definitely make him feel better than she ever could have,"

"Unlike you, I actually give Parker what he needs, that's why he comes back to me,"

A drunken conversation enters my head as a faceless girl that I can't remember the name of.

When they finally leave, I take out the water bottle in a bag filled to the brim with vodka, I was an idiot thinking that I wouldn't drink anything.

I chug down the bitter taste, then take out another pill, Colby thought I only had a few, I lied to him and broke his trust, but it's too hard to stop after the second pill everything just gets easier.

So why should I let the inevitable fall wait any longer?

~*~*~*~

It's been a week and I'm running out, so my only solution is to go to a party. Colby thinks Im doing better now, and can't contact him because I have been having too much schoolwork.

Collin tonight is somewhere with someone, but that doesn't stop the guy from checking in. I make sure I reply to every single text, he doesn't need to worry about me.

Now as I stand in a house full of sweaty college students, all I feel is relief at the amount of alcohol I see.

As always when I come to these places, I'm dressed in something tight and revealing, the dress I'm in is black and is laced in the back, and the front has spaghetti straps, but has a v down the middle not leaving much to one's imagination.

I immediately go to the table with the drinks, I haven't had anything since last night. I wanted to try to be sober for class, but really I can't take the burning headache that hasn't gone away, the only thing that will help is more alcohol.

I'm halfway through the bottle that was still closed and sealed when I found it.

Arm wraps around me from behind, my first reaction is to grind back, feel the evidence of whatever guys behind me lost, and let him mutter something about how fuckable I look a routine I would have loved before him.

He ruined something easy for me.

I turn my head to see the mans face, and fuck he's hot, why are the hot ones that come to me?

The guy has blue eyes and black hair, with a bit of stubble on his jaw, he's older-

I stop myself and smile at him.

"You want me to stop?" the guy asks instead of answering, I push my ass into him, I hear his sharp inhale of a breath.

"Please don't," I say sweetly, hating myself, just a little more.

I run into the man as his hands go to my breast and squeeze them.

I want to beg him to stop, tell him I have a boyfriend.

Ryver is probably fucking Kiara.

My head leans on his broad chest.

"You want to go upstairs?" he asks, clearly turned on.

I should say no.

He doesn't love you, he's moved on.

"Yeah," I say sultry.

I chug down as much of the bottle before following him up the creaky steps.

As the old Ensleey would've, I let the man's words about my body, about how good I make him feel, keep me sane.

Let the pleasure that I hate loving, distract me from reality, even if it doesn't last long.