The ultimate joke book

Funny thoughts 2

My shout outs are for @random_stuf, Cupcake_Arianna, The_darkest_hour, ZoellaHeart and exokgrxphic.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?

Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food?

Why do they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe?

If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?

'You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be. - Don Quixote

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost.

If i'd known I was going to live this long, i'd have taken better care of myself.

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

Men who seek happiness are like drunkards who can never find their house but are sure that they have one. - Voltaire.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost.

At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. - Salvador Dali.

How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese? - Charles De Gaulle.

One camel does not make fun of another camel's hump. Ghanaian Proverb.

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. - Carl Sandburg

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