The ultimate joke book

Funny short stories about school

My shout outs are for CheeseSOS, daCUPQAKEeeter, morecottoncandy, TTLYMIA and sweet_lolypop.

Human body

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."

She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."

Same job

There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant.

The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician.

When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way.

When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "what would you like it to be?"

They hire the accountant.

Alphabet

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet
Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: Where's the p?
Boy: "Half way down my leg."

Math teacher

Son: "My math teacher is crazy".
Mother: "Why?"
Son: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2."

Wife or girlfriend

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

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