The ultimate joke book

Funny thoughts

My shout outs are for silentspeaker98, dog_luver_1,BeeTVDTO18, otakusrule143 and Escope7582.

Waiting

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Torch

Torch: A case for holding dead batteries.

Furniture

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Tax and fines

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Sleep

The only cure for insleepomia is to get more sleep.

Lies

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Court

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Clever or not

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Forest

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Cat food

Why Isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

TV

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Builders

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Brakes

I asked my wife why there were so many dents on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

Resigned

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

Skydiving

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Pen vs sword

The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.

Thank you for reading please vote, comment and follow. I would really appreciate it. If you would like a shout out please comment the words shout out.