Listen To Your Heart ~ Book One.

The Shit hits the fan

(Suddenly there's movement next to me. Billie slams the laptop shut and glares at me.)

"What the fuck? Do you always look at other people's personal stuff on their laptops?" She hisses.

(I point at the laptop.)"What the fuck was that?"

"It's nothing. Come back to bed, I want more."

"Nothing?" (I open the laptop again. The pictures pop back up. Glaring at me...mocking me.)

"What the hell, Billie?"

"Those videos of me having sex are fake, and if I want to go out and party with my friends, then I can. I don't need to ask your fucking permission first!"

"And this picture of you kissing some guy while he has both hands on your ass, is that fake?"

"You wouldn't understand." (She whispers.)

(It took me several seconds to realize what she had just said.)

"I wouldn't understand. Is that what you said? Is that what I think you said? Because right now I'm hurting because I'm trying to figure out why I flew across the fucking country for you. While this guy has his hands on your ass!"

"I DIDN'T DO IT TOO FUCKIN' HURT YOU!" (Billie yells at me.)

"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO IT THEN?" (I yell back.)"Am I supposed to thank you? Am I supposed to thank him? What? Is he one of my fucking replacements when I'm not around?"

(She slaps my face. I deserved that I figured.)

(The shit had definitely hit the fan.)

"I'm not a fucking slut, David. I said that you wouldn't understand."

"Then talk to me, Billie."

(She swallows.)"I didn't fuck him. You can see I'm still wearing clothes in the picture."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? If you missed me so much, then why the hell were you kissing him?"

(She looks at me.)"Because I had to feel something...anything...then what I've been feeling, when you're not around."

"What were you feeling?"

"Cold...empty...hollow inside. Like a part of me was missing. I thought that by going there and letting him kiss me, I could feel the same as I did with you. I was wrong. I left after that picture was taken. I... haven't gone back."

(My mind was racing. Nothing was making fucking sense.)

"And how do you feel when I'm with you?"

"Warm...secure...wanted...and..." (She stops speaking.)

"And?" I ask.

(She looks away, not answering me. I put my arms around her shoulders and hold her close. Nothing gained without trying, I figured. As I kiss the side of her head.)

"I love you, Billie."

(I feel her body tense. She turns slowly to face me. I had played this scenario in my head over and over during the plane trip to Los Angeles. When I finally told Billie how I felt about her. I expected her to be happy...surprised...tell me how she felt herself...but I wasn't prepared for the look I saw when our eyes meant...anger.)

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"I love you, Billie."

(She glares at me, then pushes me away.)"What the hell, David?"

"Billie?"

"What the fuck's the matter with you? Wasn't the sex between us great?"

(I sit and stare at her. Thinking that I somehow fell into the fucking Twilight Zone or something.)