The Gables

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(Billie gets out of my hospital bed.)

"I'll ask about your discharge papers."

"Alright."

(Billie walks out into the hallway, wiping tears from her eyes. She knew she had a decision to make.)

(An hour later, I'm getting dressed to leave the hospital. Billie is watching me get dressed, as she sucks on a lollipop. She pulls the lollipop out of her mouth, and slowly licks it, while eyeing me up and down. We lock eyes, and she winks at me.)

"I'm afraid to ask what you're thinking of."

"Who says I'm thinking of anything? Maybe I just enjoy...sucking on certain things."

"Anyone in particular, besides me?"

(Billie pouts.)

(We walk out of the hospital after I get my discharge papers and walk towards an old brown BMW sedan.)

"That's our ride?"

"Yea...they're a bit weird. So be nice."

"Their car looks like a turd on wheels."

(Billie smiles.)"I said to be nice...smartass."

"Hi! I'm Mrs. Gable...and this is my husband, Clark."

"But not the Clark Gable who's gone with the wind

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"But not the Clark Gable who's gone with the wind."

(Clark and his wife laugh, and I glance at Billie and roll my eyes. They put our bags in the trunk, and we're soon heading towards Los Angeles. On the way, they keep singing one old show tune after another. They keep trying to get Billie and me to sing along, but we both had no idea what they were singing. Finally, after many miles, they both quiet up. Billie leans her head against my shoulder and closes her eyes.)

"Now...now children. We don't allow stuff like that in this car."

(Billie opens her eyes, as we look at Mrs. Gable.)

"Stuff like what?" I ask.

"The two of you being close like that could lead too uncontrollable urges. Like kissing or worse."

(Billie and I exchange a glance, while trying to hide the amusement on our faces.)

"Well...we are boyfriend and girlfriend. So, what's the problem?"

"I don't see any ring on her finger, which means you're not married are you?"

"No... we're not."(Billie replies.) ...but we're planning to get married someday."

"But you're not married now...are you? Therefore, you need to separate right now."

"Excuse me?" I reply.

"You heard me. While in this car, you'll respect our rules...and one of our rules is no physical contact unless you're married."

(Billie and I exchange a bewildered look.)

"Clark! They're not listening to me!"

"Either obey the rules, or else I'm pulling over right now!"

(Billie and I separate.)

"Well...this sucks ass."(Billie says.)

"I think it's a total cluster-fuck." I reply.

"No cussing either! Why don't we sing some more show tunes?"

"Honey...that's a great idea!"

(The two of them start singing at the top of their lungs, as Billie looks out her window and pouts. I reach over and brush Billie's arm with my fingers. She turns her head and smiles, and points to the people in front and points to her open mouth. I nod my head in agreement. I put my head back and close my eyes, trying to block out everything. You got to be fucking kidding me I think, as I do my best to fall asleep.)

(Miles later, I wake up. Billie is looking out her passenger side window, while listening to music on her headphones. Suddenly a red pick-up truck pulls even with us, and the guy on the passenger side moons us.)

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