Bug Eyes

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"Fine...I won't!"

"Fine!"(Billie starts walking down the road. I go and grab my bags and start walking. I pass her since my bags are lighter.)

"Have a nice walk."

(After numerous miles. I'm sitting on the side of the road, waiting for Billie to catch up. She goes walking by then stops.)

"I'm going to sit next to you to rest my feet, but this doesn't change anything between us. I'm still mad at you."

"Suit yourself." I reply.

(Billie sits next to me and removes her lime green sneakers. I cover my nose.)

"Stop. Not my fault if my feet stink. Bad enough that there's no cellular service and I'm walking in my designer sneakers!"

(Billie searches thru her bag and pulls out a stick of bubblegum.)

"I'm starving." I mutter.

(Billie glares at me, then she breaks the bubblegum and hands me half.)

"Thank you."

(We sit quietly for a while.)

"My feet hurt."

(Billie glares at me again.)

"Your feet smell really bad."

(Billie narrows her eyes at me.)

"I just accidentally swallowed my gum."

"Would you please stop complaining about everything? Can't you ever look on the bright side of things?"

(An old pickup truck pulls up and stops. Billie grabs her bags and runs towards the truck.)

"I wouldn't take that ride if I was you."

"Fuck off! You're not me!"

(Billie throws her bags into the truck bed and climbs into the truck. The old guy driving takes one look at Billie's double D breasts and pulls off his wedding band.)

"Well, hello! How far are you going?"

"Los Angeles."

"Los Angeles is a long way for a pretty girl like you to be going alone."(The truck gears grind as he puts it in drive.) "This truck is like an old woman. Sometimes you got to kick her to get her in gear."(He smiles.)

(The truck starts down the road. Billie is mumbling to herself, about no cell phone signal, as she tries to figure out how long it will take her to get to Los Angeles. The old guy driving is going on and on about how lonely it is out on the open road. Suddenly he slows down and begins pulling off to the side of the road.)

"Why are we stopping here?" Billie asks.

"Like I said...it gets lonely on the road." (He replies smiling, as he reaches for Billie.)

"Let go! Get off of me!" Billie protests.

"Oh...I'm not going to hurt a pretty thing like you. I just want a piece of your ass!"

"Don't touch me! NO! NOOOO!"

(Suddenly the passenger door opens, and in jumps...a crazy person?)

"Hi! Thanks for the ride, I've been out here all day. I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Me and the wife, are just having a little squabble...okay?"

"Oh...well at least I'm getting a ride, you know what I mean? I mean most people are afraid to pick up hitchhikers. I mean you never know who you might pick up. I mean...I could be some crazed slime ball. I mean a real deranged violent psycho; you know what I mean? I mean a guy that would rip your heart out and eat it. JUST FOR PLEASURE! I'M TALKING ABOUT A TOTAL MANIAC! You know what I mean? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!?"

"Yea...yea."

(I look around.) "Why aren't we moving? Don't you want to give me a ride?"(Bug eyes.)

)

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