The Ellen Show Part 2

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"I watched some videos of Billie playing her ukulele...and whatever she did...I made sure to do the opposite."

(The audience laughs.)

"Hey...I don't play the ukulele that bad!"

"But you're not as fast as me." (I tease.)

"You were supposed to teach me how to play Stairway on my Ukulele...remember?"

"I didn't forget...but it's kind of hard for me to do, since you're always busy."

"Not my fault you'll never win a Grammy."

(Ellen laughs.)"Okay you two. I believe the fans in the audience have some questions for you."

(Fans in the audience take turns asking us questions. Ellen talks with both of us some more, then just when I think I was worried about nothing...it happens.)

"So... Billie...I need to ask you. Are you in a relationship with anyone at the moment? Any special someone?"

"At the moment...I'm in a relationship with my music...my fans. That's all I need."

"And if you were looking for someone to have a relationship with...what type of person would that be?"

"Someone who shares my love of music...but who understands that there may be times when I want to be with them...but can't...because of my career. Someone who will love me for me."

"Phantom...same question."

"She would have to be someone special. Having beautiful blue eyes is a big plus. Grabs my attention right away.... Oh...and she would have to be an incredible kisser... and like roses."

(Billie sits there trying her best not to blush. Ellen sits there looking at Billie and looking at me.)

"Are you saying you're interested in Billie? Are you the one who gave her the roses?"

"Oh...no. Of course, he's not. Those are just rumors going around the internet. We're just professional friends." Billie quickly replies.

(I glance out at the audience towards Valerie, who's eyes were giving me her best 'shut the fuck up now' expression. For a brief second, I thought about saying 'Fuck it all'...and telling the world on nationwide television, how I felt about Billie, but for Billie's sake and Valerie's...I don't say anymore.... until...)

"Well...it wouldn't be morally right anyway. The two of you seem as different as night and day, plus there's your age difference." Ellen says.

"Yes...you're right. That's how I feel as well." Billie replies.

KABOOM!! What the fuck had just happened?

(I felt like I had just got blown out of the water. I glance at Valerie again. Her expression said it all...please let it go. Fuck it all I figured.)

"I'm sorry...what exactly were you referring too when you said about the age thing?"

"Well...isn't it obvious? You are older than Billie is." Ellen replies.

"Yes...I am...and?"

"Are you implying that you see nothing wrong with you dating a eighteen-year-old woman? You should be ashamed of yourself!"

(Some members of the audience start booing me. I look out at Valerie, who is covering her eyes with her hand.)

"So, I'm a victim of a double standard then?" I ask.

"What double standard?" Ellen replies.

"Well...you're obviously saying its wrong for a guy my age to show interest in a younger woman. Why is it wrong for me?" I ask.

"I'm saying it's morally wrong, but not unheard of...but you must admit...it raises red flags."

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