Listen To Your Heart ~ Book One.

A Prayer for Billie

(I walk down the hallway, and slowly open the door to their chapel. It was small, but very peaceful and beautiful inside. I choose a row and get down on my knees and bow my head.)

"Umm Lord...it's me. Now I know I haven't spoken to you in years. Haven't asked or thanked you for anything...and I don't blame you if you're not listening to me now or you're ignoring me...but umm... there's somebody that means a lot to me dying right now. And I know it's kind of shitty of me to only come to you when I need your help...but...listen. I'm going to offer you the same deal I offered you years ago when my stepdad and years later my oldest sister were passing away. If you got to take anyone, take me instead. Now I know you didn't accept the deal then, and I'll admit...I was pissed off at you for months for taking them instead...but...I'm offering you the only thing I got...my life. That's the only thing I got to offer you."

(For the next seven days. I go visit Billie, and after visiting hours. I'm in the chapel speaking the same prayer. Billie's vitals had stabilized, but the doctors claim she should've awoken from her coma by now, and she hasn't. Her brain activity continues to improve, and she was breathing on her own now, which was a good sign. Unfortunately, the doctors had discovered an irregular heartbeat. I walk into the waiting room just in time to hear the doctor give her parents an update about Billie.)

"We're sorry, there's nothing more we can do unless she wakes up."

(The doctors leave. The family talks amongst themselves. I go into the I.C.U. room and take Billie's hand in mine.)

"Hey, listen... the doctors are saying there's nothing more they can do, unless you wake up. So, you need to make a decision now. I'm going to sit here, holding your hand. I'm not leaving your side. So, either you're going to pass away while I'm holding your hand, or else you're going to fight this shit and live. I'm not leaving you either way."

(I sit and hold Billie's hand. I have no idea how long I was there. Her family and Claudia come and go. I felt myself getting tired, but I wasn't going to leave. I was afraid to leave.)

"Sir...visiting hours are over. I'm sorry...but you'll have to come back tomorrow."

"I'm not leaving." (I say quietly.)

"I'm very sorry, sir...but those are..."

"She could die tonight or tomorrow, and you're quoting rules to me? Fuck off already!"

(The nurse notifies the head nurse, who comes and ask me to leave. I refuse. Security is called which draws the attention of Billie's parents. After much discussion among them, it's agreed that I can stay, provided I do not interfere with the nurses. Days later, Billie's still the same. I had been popping no-doze pills like candy for days, until Claudia caught me and took them away from me.)

"You need to sleep, David. You look like hell." (Claudia tells me.)

"Can't sleep...don't want to wake up...to Billie being gone." (I mumble in reply.)