Euphoria | BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan)

"Please just let me in...'

It takes Jungkook no time to be at my door, knocking on it impatiently until I walk over and open it to see him.

Him.... I feel like the wind is being knocked out of me the moment my eyes land on his. The darkness under his eyes is apparent and the puffiness of his face but even so, he's still the most beautiful man I've ever seen. My heart skips a beat when I see a smile spread across his face. It's one of those moments of clarity that you only hear about in movies or read in books; the clouds open up and I know that I'm looking at someone I want to love for the rest of my life. I never want to be apart from him, never want to experience anything without him, never want to not love him. And as these thoughts flood my mind, I think of Yoongi and how I feel exactly the same way about him. How I don't know how I could ever chose and my stomach twists at the thought of ever having to do that.

I'm shaken from my thoughts as Jungkook walks in, dropping his bag at the door. He takes off his bucket hat and mask and immediately brings his hands to my face and kisses me. It's fueled by passion, sadness, anxiety, love. He kisses me the way only he knows how, letting go of every emotion he feels and feeding it to my soul. .

My fingers tangle into his hair as I press my body on to his, wanting there to be not even an ounce of space between us. I've missed him even more than I allowed myself to admit. It wasn't the amount of time away from each other, it was the reasoning behind it; it was the pain that we both felt while being apart and the circumstances that lead up to it. My heart aches knowing that he was hurting.

He pushes me against the wall, his mouth devouring mine in a seething dance between our lips. His hands are everywhere; my face, my arms, my waist and finally they reach down to my hands as he interlaces our fingers and he brings them up and presses them beside my head against the wall behind me.

He moves his mouth down and places gentle kisses to my jawline, my neck, my collarbone; simple and sweet traces of heat left on my skin from his touch. Then he brings his head back up to me and as he looks at me I see the tears welling in his eyes.

"Please, please just talk to me next time, okay?" He tells me. His eyes are burning pain into my soul and I'm fully aware that I fucked this up with him. I've hurt him so deeply and yet here he is, still loving me, still trying to make this work. I can't believe I doubted him and his intentions so much in the beginning. I never gave him the benefit of the doubt and always assumed he wasn't mature enough for an adult relationship and here he is, the rational and level headed one of us both.

"I will," I say to him as I pull my hands from his and cup his face. "I will. I promise. I'm so sorry, Jungkook. I never meant to hurt you. I wasn't thinking and I... I'm just so sorry baby," I say as I bring him in and kiss him softly.

He sighs and I feel his body relax as he let's go of the tension he's been holding. He presses his body onto mine and rests his forehead onto me.

"I thought you were gone," he confesses to me. "I was so scared; I thought maybe he had gotten to you and he had done something. My mind was creating all these scenarios," he continues.

I stoke his cheek and remove the tears from his face.

"I'm so, so sorry JK. I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't mean to make you think I'd left you. I will never leave you. Do you understand that? I will NEVER leave you," I reiterate to him. I stroke his hair and he leans into my touch.

I am fully aware that I shouldn't say that to him. That I shouldn't say something that I might not be able to follow through with but at this point, it's true. Right now, at this very moment, I can say with absolute certainty that I will never leave him. I want to spend every moment I have left on this earth with him by my side. I want to go through all of the things that life has to offer with him. And while I do also see all of this with Yoongi, it doesn't mean that I can't have it with both of them, right? It's possible to love more than one person, everyone knows this. Polyamory and polygamy exist. But what do you call it when one woman is in love with more than one man? Confused... that's what you call it.