Euphoria | BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan)

"That's Our Good Girl..."

The sun is setting and the golden waves of light have filtered into my room, leaving a brilliant cast in it's wake. I stretch my arms out and let out a groan. I look at my watch and realize I've been asleep for a little over an hour so I should probably get up, find the guys and get some images of whatever they're currently doing. I roll over and nearly fall off the platform when I see Yoongi sitting on a chair near the door; his legs are crossed and he's got his brown leather bound lyric book in his lap. His face is red and splotchy and his eyes are swollen. Nevertheless, he is absolutely gorgeous and my heart skips a beat at the sight of him.

"I'm sorry, Eleanor, did I wake you?" He asks me. His tone seems cold and formal and the use of my name isn't lost on me and it makes my stomach drop.

"No," I say to him. "I just, I woke up because of the sun," I finish.

"Oh, okay. Would it be okay if we talked?" He asks me as he closes his book and sets it down on the floor next to him. I sit on the center of the bed and bring my knees up to my chest and hug them close to me. I nod my head at him and he makes his way over to the bed, sits down on the edge and turns to face me. We look at each other and there's a sense of awkwardness in the air. I look down toward my knees, take in a breath and decide to start.

"I'm sorry..." we both say at the same time. Our eyes dart to each other because we're so caught off guard.

"No, Eleanor, please let me go first," he tells me.

"Wait... before you start, can I just ask one thing of you?" I say because I just can't take it anymore.

"Of course, anything," he tells me.

"Please, unless you plan on breaking up with me or ending this, please stop calling me Eleanor. I don't like the way it sounds. It hurts..." I tell him as I drop my eyes back down toward my knees. I hear him let out a sigh as he leans forward, placing his forearms on his thighs.

"El-Ah," he says and I feel a slight sense of ease. "I am so sorry. I'm sorry for the words I used, for the way I spoke and the idea that I was implying," he tells me as he turns his head to look at me, his eyes glassy and sad.

"You are one of the most selfless and generous people I know. You give so much of yourself; your time, your energy, your heart to everyone around you. It was wrong of me to insinuate that you were anything less than compassionate and generous," he tells me. "I was so angry, so hurt, so scared. I let all of it just pile up and it just, it made me irrational. I'm so sorry. I should have just shut my mouth and listened to what you had to say. This situation affects you directly so it's your choice with how you want to proceed. I just want you to know that I will do anything and everything to keep you safe. I can't even think about what my life would be like without you, I can't bare it. Every single fiber of my being, is tied to you. So, I'm sorry. Please, please forgive me," he lets out with an exacerbated breath. I know that he's overwhelmed when he has to speak about his emotions, he's not good with being open and vulnerable but he's doing it and that alone makes me so happy. I let out a breath and move my eyes to meet his.

"Yoongi, I am so, sorry," he leans forward and opens his mouth to try and interject me. "Please, listen," I say as I place my hand on his arm, "I'm sorry that I didn't see beyond myself. I'm sorry that I didn't didn't think about the fact that I couldn't understand that this is on a much bigger scale than I anticipated. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you, I didn't let you explain, I didn't let you to voice your opinion on a matter that includes all of us. I'm sorry that I feel the need to always fix everything myself instead of allowing myself to be open and vulnerable to help, especially during things like this. I'm sorry that I've kept my wall up and I haven't been open and honest. I'm sorry that my past has put you all in danger," I feel like now that I've started, I can't stop.