Falling to the Spotlight

Chapter 14

Chapter 14 

Goodbye 

I am used on losing a person na kahit pa I am too attached to that person it was fine dahil like what I always said to myself I have no one but only myself. Nasanay na akong ako lang yun naman kasi ang gusto ko. 

Not until I met people I am already scared to lose. My friends. I never imagine that I will meet people like them dahil noon ang gusto ko lang naman matupad yung pangarap ko na isa sa naging dahilan para magpatuloy pa ako. 

But when I met Quinn and Bethany doon ko nalaman na hindi pala okay sa'kin ang maging mag-isa. I don't want to be alone to be exact I also want people beside me hindi ko yung tinitingala ako but a person who will believe in me more than how my fans believe in me. Akala ko sila na yun but I am wrong sobrang mali dahil ngayon hindi ko alam kung kaibigan ba ang naging tingin nila sa'kin. 

I lose them and I don't want to admit but it's painful for me. Nasaktan ako sa nangyari sa aming tatlo pero binalewala ko na lang yun at nagpatuloy because I wanted a new start for my life. Wala na akong oras para pa isipin yung nararamdaman ko because for me what is important is how my life goes on. Ayokong mamuhay sa sakit ayoko na. I don't want to look miserable dahil lang sa nasaktan ako I am more than that. 

Hindi na ako yung Chandria De Vega na magpapa-api na lang at gugustuhin na magkulong sa madilim na lugar. Yung Chandria De Vega na mas pipiliin na mag-isa pag nasasaktan sa isang sulok. 

I am now Chantal Jimenez the girl who is loved by people and the Chantal who is still fighting and the kind of girl who knows how to fight for herself and knows how to deal with pain. Hindi ko na hahayaan na kainin ako ng sakit na naranasan ko noon. I don't want my past to be a hindrance. 

Buong akala ko sanay na ako na may nawawalang tao sa'kin not until I experience losing two of them and now this I am gonna lose someone again pero ang pinagkaiba parang mas masakit ngayon. 

Just the thought of me not in the list of Michael's friend hindi ko alam pero a part of me is breaking at ang matindi hindi ko alam kung bakit. It's not on my list to be selfish but thinking of losing him now parang gusto ko na lang maging selfish. 

Hindi pa naman ganun katagal when we got to know each other pero ganitong epekto na agad ang binibigay niya sa'kin. I don't know if it is a good thing or not. I am scared, I am scared to feel something new na hindi ko naman talaga dapat maramdaman. 

When I go home I just throw my bag somewhere at mabilis na umupo sa sofa and stare at the ceiling. I don't why I am thinking of those now when I am the one who ask him to spent time with me whole day tomorrow. 

I don't even know anong gagawin namin bukas and knowing Michael mas sobrang maingat pa siya sa'kin he is so scared to be caught at kung may makakilala man sa'kin. He is scared like we are in a relationship but I understand him dahil iba nga naman mag-isip ang mga tao ngayon mostly if that person is a big fan of yours. 

"What are we gonna do tomorrow?" I ask myself and sigh heavily while still looking at the ceiling but I suddenly remember na may magazine interview ako bukas but I can cancel it naman dahil sa isang magazine lang naman yun and my plan is to meet Irene tomorrow. 

I quickly stand up para makuha yung bag ko and get my phone to call Irene na alam kong nasa airport na ngayon. 

"Wow, you called me this late Chantal that's new." she said when he answer my video call at tama nga ako nasa airport na siya. 

"I know this is new but I can't meet you tomorrow. Magpahinga ka na lang muna bukas but keep your pasalubong for me I will get it." I said na ikinatawa niya naman.