Falling to the Spotlight

Chapter 22

Chapter 22 

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When I thought I will not cry anymore nagkamali pala ako because when I enter my unit doon pumasok sa'kin lahat ng nangyayari. The moment that Michael turn his back on me at lahat ng sinabi ni Celine sa'kin. 

Everything is too much for me pero ginusto ko naman kasi na ganun ang mangyari between me and Michael but my feelings is so heavy to the point that I am crying nonstop. God knows kung gaano ko kagusto na mawala lahat ng bigat na nararamdaman ko but I don't know how. 

Hindi ko alam paano ko pa maibabalik yung dating Chantal. I thought bringing back the old Chantal who is brave and focus on her goal will be easy after I let go of Michael. Buong akala ko pag wala na si Michael sa buhay ko at alam kong hindi na siya madadamay sa'kin mababalik ko na yung dating ako but I am wrong. 

It's so hard to bring back the old Chantal now, it's already too late. Yun ang hindi ko naisip when I talk to him that way and now dumagdag pa yung mga sinabi ni Celine sa'kin. 

Gusto ko din naman matutong magpatawad pero sobrang hirap pa niyang gawin ngayon dahil yung takot ko na maranasan ulit ang masaktan nandito pa din. I am scared to get hurt by the same person again. Alam ko na hindi na ako yung dating hahayaan lang na apihin but I am still scared dahil baka sa ibang paraan na ako masaktan. 

But I don't realize ako na ngayon ang gumagawa pa ng dahilan para masaktan ako. Not because I choose not to forgive just yet but because I decided to not let him in my life. I know he is what I need because when I am with him everything is not heavy it feels like someone is helping me to carry every heavy feeling I am feeling. 

Pinili ko na wag na maramdaman yun dahil ayoko na siya yung mag-adjust para sa'kin. Hindi naman niya ginagawa 'to he should be living his life not thinking about me. Imagine he go to the Philippines to check if I am okay because I called him crying my hearts out. 

I don't want him to cause anymore trouble just because of me kaya ko naisipan na gawin yun. And I also want to protect him dahil naalala ko na hindi naman talaga dapat ganito. We hould just thank each other hanggang doon lang but it becomes more than that and it's not right. 

Hindi dapat ganito ang nararamdaman ko. This was never part of my plan. Never. 

"Hey, you busy?" I roll my eyes when I answer my phone and I heard Jayce's voice. 

"If I said yes, what is it to you?" I asked back. 

I didn't do anything and I just stay at my unit for a whole day and do nothing because I am too lazy to do something lalo na din ngayon na hanggang ngayon pinipilit ko pa din na alisin sa isip ko ang mga nangyari noong isang araw. 

"Let's go out. I'm gonna pick you up." he said at hindi na ako pinagsalita pa. I want to say that I am not in because I am not in the mood and I need to settle my mood before I go back to my work tomorrow. 

I know that man talagang pupuntahan ako nun dito sa condo ko at hindi ako titigilan kaya wala na akong choice but to get ready. Whenever I am with Jayce alam namin na hindi namin kailangan na magtago ng todo dahil baka nga ikasaya pa ng iba na magkasama kami because we are love team and they will think we are more than that. 

That is how people think whenever they are supporting a love team. They will be happy if makita nila yung iniidolo nila na magkasama and they will think that they are together para sa ikasasaya nila kahit na hindi naman totoo. 

"Why are we here?" I ask Jayce when we stop in front if The Typicals. 

Is this man serious? Dito talaga niya ako dadalhin? Mamaya nandiyan si Michael it will be too awkward to face each other and I know it will be hard for me baka bawiin ko lang din lahat ng sinabi ko pag nagkatoon.