Falling to the Spotlight

Epilogue

Epilogue 

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I am busy finishing everything before going to  Philippines and even though Chantal is not saying it I know she is happy that I can be with her all the time now. Hindi ko masabi sa kanya yung tungkol sa naging offer sa'kin because I am afraid that she will blame herself kung bakit hindi ko yun tinanggap. 

Hindi naman sa hindi ko tinanggap I just want to spent more time with Chandria before accepting that big offer for me I didn't actually decline it I just ask if it can wait at pumayag naman sila Tita Lani she is Lilian's mother and she already trust me at hindi niya naman daw ako minamadali and I am thankful for that. 

Kaya mas pinili ko na lang din na wag na muna sabihin kay Chantal ang tungkol doon dahil baka iba pa ang maisip niya sa hindi ko pagtanggap sa offfer na yun. I can explain myself to her but she is so complicated iba din kasi umikot yung isip ni Chantal. Just like me. We are a total opposite of each other but a little similarities.

When you thought she can understand you but the truth is she is just trying kahit na sobrang naguguluhan na siya she will try mas gugustuhin niyang pahirapan ang sarili niya sa pag-intindi. I don't want her to think that she is the one stopping me because that is not true. 

It's my choice. Pinili ko na wag munang tanggapin dahil hindi pa din naman ako handa sa ganun kalaking responsibilidad. Hindi lang dahil kay Chantal kung bakit hindi ko pa yun tinanggap.

"Michael, don't make someone feel that they can lose their dream for you because it's painful. Parang ikaw yung nag-alis ng karapatan sa kanila and the feeling hurt so bad." 

That is what my mom always say to me until the day she die kaya hindi ko din kayang may mawala kay Chantal dahil sa'kin pati na din kay Dad I am afraid because I don't want to blame myself and I don't want them to regret anything. 

"Are you sure you will stay there?" Dad asked when he call me to see him. Nagpaalam naman ako sa kanya but he really want to see me kaya pumayag na ako at pumunta sa bahay kung saan kami nakatira but I move out so siya na lang talaga pero ang alam ko hindi din naman siya madalas nandito because sometimes his shoots are out of town or country. 

"Yeah, my friends are also there." I said but he look at me like he didn't believe me at all. 

"Just friends? Come on, son. I am your father you can tell me everything." he said at natahimik naman ako sa sinabi niya. 

Yes he is my father and I am not mad at him pero hindi pa din naman maalis sa'kin na hindi namin naranasan ang mag-usap at itrato ang isa't isa na parang mag-ama. I am proud to be his son, who wouldn't? 

He may not become the best father for me but I know he is a best person and that is enough for me to be proud to be his son. I know he is a good man and a man who always do good things without taking any credits. I know him dahil kahit hindi niya man ako kasama I always look up to him just like what my mom and me are doing together before. 

"If it's the right time I will let you meet her. The girl who change my world." I said and I saw how he slowly smile and nod at me at walang sinabi but I know he is waiting to that right time too. 

I want him to meet Chantal if I know I am ready. Sure na ako kay Chantal. She will only be my home. 

When mom died and I decided to live alone I didn't think of that feeling that you feel like you home because for me I am just living because I had to I have a place to stay but I don't consider it as home because it looks sad. Should I call it home? 

Chandria Natalie De Vega came into my life and make me feel the feeling of being home. Just seeing her smile nd laugh at me and feel her warm I already know the feeling of being at home. Yung nagpapatuloy pa ako kasi alam kong meron akong Chantal.