Denial [ n.s] EDITING

Chapter 42 - Fluttering Insides

Chapter forty two
Sawyer,

~

I was sat at one of the nearby cafés, a book in hand with a cup of hot chocolate on the table. I tried my best to distract myself by reading but it never seizes to help. Why do I even try?

I placed the book beside my phone and took a sip out of the hot chocolate since I hadn't even touched it and there's certainly nothing pleasant about a hot chocolate that isn't hot. That basically defeats the purpose of it being called hot chocolate, right?

I stared at my phone, which would've seemed odd to others but I didn't care. I barely even touch my phone anymore nor do I call anyone these days. It doesn't even feel like myself to do this. Sure, I've had days where I don't particularly feel like making any sort of contact with other humans but not even putting in effort to talk to people at home? That isn't me. I think I stared at it for a proper two minutes when it oddly enough, began vibrating.

It was Mum calling - add that to the list of odd things! I took a deep breath that slid my finger across the screen of my phone - answering the call.

'Lea, hello' Mum's cheery voice came through the moment I answered and a smile instantly plastered across my face.

'Hey, Mum. How are you?' I said.

'Oh, I'm good but missing your messiness around the house' she said before laughing. Silence was all that I responded with. Strange. 'Lea, how are you? What's wrong?'

A sigh escaped. 'I don't know, Mum. It doesn't feel right. Things don't feel right. I'm not myself right now. I'm supposed to be taking my first semester at NYU right now. Fulfilling my dreams but what am I doing? Moping around everyday and getting distracted' I rambled.

'Darling, you can come home and NYU isn't going anywhere. I know you very well and I know you're there for your father. He needs you there, he needs his one and only daughter there with him. It may seem hard and everything may seem confusing but you can continue to fulfil your dreams when you get home, okay? Everything's going to be fine. You're just overwhelmed with everything but it'll be fine, trust me'

'I don't know, I just' I paused and looked to my left - two little kids playing outside. 'Thank you, Mum. I miss you'

'I miss you too, Lea but ah, I'll be here when you get home. Don't be too hard on yourself, alright? Love you'

'Yeah, I'll try. I love you too' I said as I ended the call. My cheeks felt moist and I then realised that I had been crying. How do you not realise that you've been crying? Sigh.

Mascara's probably all over my face right now but who cares anyway? I took another sip of my drink - mind you it was only my second sip and was disgusted by the fact that it was no longer warm. I'm not even going to get started on hot chocolate that isn't warm. Just as I placed the cup back on the table, I heard someone say 'Hey'.

I turned my head lazily, exhausted to even do that to see Nathan stood there with a couple of bags from Waitrose and a drink in hand. 'What are you doing here all alone?' He said with both eyebrows raised as he pulled a chair and sat in front of me - both facing each other.

'Uhh, I haven't gotten any friends to hang out with here, have I?' I avoided looking into his glistening green eyes as I felt the tears starting to build up in mine. 'Lea, you have me' he said. Nathan, please just - don't.

'No Nathan. I don't have you, I don't have anyone here. I'm all alone, can't you see? Everything's just-' I gave up and the only thing that escaped my mouth was a sigh. My face was then buried in both of my palms. I'm tired of this, I just want to be back home.