Denial [ n.s] EDITING

Chapter 64 - All I Can Be Is "Okay"

Chapter sixty four,
Lea.

Day one.

A day since it's happened, ten hours since I've been back home; in Los Angeles, ten hours since I stepped foot out of the flight which I spent a whole eight hours, overthinking and stressing.

A day, 24 hours, 1440 minutes, and all everyone seems to ask is if "I'm okay,"

I can't comprehend the reason behind that question. Everyone goes through heartbreak, everyone tends to feel like their world's falling apart, everyone thinks that they'll never get through it; but I will. I know I will, in time. It's nothing – I feel nothing.

"What are you doing?" My mother asks, my vision diverting to her, causing me to snap back into reality since I'd been staring at a blank wall, consumed with the thoughts that filled my little brain.

"What?" I question, placing my tiny alarm clock into a cardboard box before realising that the last time I even used it was when I was 12, seeing as my iPhone is a good enough alarm, and tossing it onto the pile on the floor, "I'm packing," I respond.

"Lea, you've been back a day,"

"I'm well aware, momma" I say.

"Why on earth are you packing for college when you've been back a day. You've got time, you don't have to rush it," she says, concern in her voice.

"I know," I sigh, "but, I took a year off and that's more than enough time. I'm going to New York in a week, I'm packing my things, and I'll be having a full-on college experience with my best friend,"

"And when's the last time you spoke to that best friend of yours?" Mom scoffs.

"Mom, she was here yesterday," I say.

"For like two seconds in the doorway!" She retorts, "she had to leave but insisted on you joining her with her plans but of course you opted to stay in bed instead,"

"She was with her new boyfriend, I didn't want to intrude nor be the infamous third wheel," my insensitive mind pukes at the thought, "plus, I've only been home a day, mother"

"Why on earth did that condom break," Mom groans before going back downstairs, leaving me on my bed, laughing.

–––
Day three.

"I don't understand you," Hannah says, watching as I shove an entire burger into my mouth. Okay, slight exaggeration, I shoved half a burger inside my mouth.

"What?," I ask, immediate regretting speaking seeing as my mouth was quite literally stuffed.

"You're not crying, not mucking around, not being a snob and lazing, not more than usual anyway, not even mentioning anything about the break up," she stops, "–A normal person would assume that you're eating your feelings but I for a fact know that that's not even half as much as you could shove into that mouth,"

"Touché," I grin.

"I'm your best friend, Lea. I've been your best friend since forever. We shared everything. Heck, we told each other about our daily struggles taking a dump. What's different now?" She sighs, and a part of me wishes I could explain it all, but I myself can't comprehend any of it.

"You're my best friend, the bestest friend, and that's never going to change, ever, okay let's not think about the Justin Bieber song. Trust me when I say I'm fine, I'm not perfect, I'm not miserable, I'm okay, and that's about all I can be right now. You're here for me, so is my mom, and I love you so much for that but, I am fine," I smile.

Her expression remains the same, "Lea, please. Are you sure–"

"Holy macaroni, Hannah. We're moving to the fucking Big Apple in four days. The fucking Big Apple. That is no reason to mope around, come on!" I say, grabbing my purse and her hand.

"I'm not even going to ask where you intend on taking me," she sighs.

"Good choice, my friend,"

"Why couldn't you have been normal,"

"Where's the fun in that?" I simply say, cheeky grin plastered across my face.

–––

Day four.

"How on earth did you get me wasted last night," Hannah whines, holding a bag of frozen peas to her forehead, "and how the fuck did you get me to hit my head on the ground of a club,"

"That," I raise my finger in protest, "that was all you, my friend. You deserve ever last bit of credit for that one," I say, pouring myself a glass of water.

"I am never ever drinking again," Hannah retorts, only to be interrupted by my mother, "If I had a dollar for every time you said that," she says, laughing.

"This is no laughing matter," she attempts to raise her voice before wincing, "Ow!"

"You sure you kiddos alright? I could just call-in and stay home with the two of you, prevent any further head injuries from occurring,"

"That sounds–" Hannah starts,

"–Awful. Just go to work, momma. I swear, how on earth will you survive once I'm gone. Who's gonna earn the big bucks for this house," I respond.

"Don't get too cocky yet, kid. I can still ground you," She finishes her coffee, "Alright, see you two later when it's dark outside and the serial killers start to pry on teenage girls,"

"And I wonder why you aren't normal," Hannah states.

Two hours later.

"Hey, what kind of toiletries are we meant to pack. Are we talking shampoo, moisturiser, toothbrush?" I ask from the bathroom.

"They have toothbrushes in New York, Lea," Hannah responds blatantly.

"Right, but what are the odds on us going toothbrush shopping on the first day. Dental hygiene is extremely important, Hannah,"

"Gee, okay. I didn't realise we skipped back to middle school health class, Ms Scott,"

I was about to let another snarky comment out when I pulled one of the drawers open to find my flat iron, and unexpectedly a picture of Nathan and I from when he surprised me with a picnic at Whitemead Forest Park, the same day he said he loved me, also the same day we kissed for the first time.

Seconds later, I was crutched against the wall, holding the photo tightly against my chest as memories of that day fled through my mind.

"I would've expected ten sarcastic comments by now," Hannah said, "Lea?" I head her footsteps.

–––

a/n: it's the nineteenth for me but happy belated twenty third birthday to the sexy angel that is nathan james sykes. if it weren't for you, i would've never perfected how to impersonate a fly.

also, this is short but I really wanted to get a chapter up and yepperdy doo dah day. 

hope you like it enjoy it devour it like a blueberry pancake and have a great day / afternoon / night aheaddddd. love you

i lowkey miss cute nalea scenes :(

x.s